dopespike

tonight, I drank with bob...

Then I went to my friend Dan's house. We sat out and drank by the fire and talked. He helped me realize a few things. He helped me realize what is really important to me. So many things hindered my mind that I couldn't figure it out. Sometimes we cannot love someone else if we don't love ourselves. We hold faults that are not ours and we blame ourselves for it. He pointed out flaws about himself that he knows and how it hindered his relationship with a girl that he really cares about. In a way, it makes me think about my own. I love this girl and I still do. I have opportunities to date other girls but I don't take them because I love this one girl. We talked about this for much of the night. I will love this girl regardless of how she feels about herself and everything else. I doubt she understands why I love her since I myself do not know why I feel this way about her. Whether she feels the same as I do, I dont know. I wish she did love me like she did but I know that its very highly probable that that isnt the case. Sometimes I want to move on since that will be the best way that I know of to get over someone. I think that no matter if I date someone else; she will never be anything like her. I love her for reasons that I dont even know and how will I replace her with someone else that will probably not even live up to how I feel about her. She tells me that there is no chance that we will get back together. There are many ways that I can take that. It can mean that she just didnt like me, or that she just isnt prepared for the type of attention I was giving her. Does she know? I dont know. Do I miss her? Yes I do. She probably wants me to find another girl that is more deserving of the attention that I gave her but thats bullshit. I gave her that attention that I gave her because I felt that is what she deserved. Do I think another girl deserves that attention and love? We will see if I find another girl that I feel that way about. I dont know. It is very probable that I am just not the type of guy she wants to be with. There are just so many factors to why she feels the way that she does about me. Do I believe what she told me? I question that every day. Why I do? Because I want to be with her more then any other person I have ever met in my life. She probably does not feel the same and thats life. The conversation went on and on. He was one of the few people that replied to my situation with something I could relate to. I am thankful to everyone that listened to my bitching about her. She is more important then I would of ever imagined. I bitch and bitch about how much I miss her. I dont even know if she feels the same why. I know there are other things going on in her life and I am probably the least important denominator.


Thank you to everyone that left me birthday wishes.

I have so much more that I need to figure out. Thank you to RedViolet and Baughn and anyone else that listened to my bitching. I do feel a bit better after I was able to release the stress from my head.