dopalganger

Below was my first ever journal entry. I have been thinking about her lately, so I conjured it up again. Its long, but if you read the whole thing you are super cool.



I had just moved back to Orlando for the third time. Immediately I began frequenting a club downtown called Barbarella. One of my first nights there, I recall standing on the edge of the dance floor. The crowd shifted exposing the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. Petit, straight shoulder length blonde hair, green eyes, about 5"7.

Did I mention incredibly gorgeous?

This girl could dance like no one I had ever seen. I can even remember the song playing at that exact moment, Temptation by New Order. I literally lost my breath the first time I saw her. I tugged on my friends sleeve and mumbled "Look...at...that...girl... (pant
pant) on the dance floor." "Oh yeah, she's here all the time, she's an incredible dancer." was his reply.

The weeks went by, and I would see her at the club on a regular basis, although I hadn't spoken to her yet.
I'm not shy, I just enjoyed her where she was. An angel on the dance floor. My friend and I had a regular perch at the edge of the floor, where we would drink, ponder life and popular culture, and dance from time to time. This gorgeous creature sometimes would leave her regular spot across the floor and dance less than ten feet from where I would stand. I would joke
to my friend that "she was dancing for me."

One weekend while waiting for my friend I sat alone at our regular spot watching the dance floor activity,
my love in particular as usual. I just had a falling out with a Dutch girl I was dating, and thought to myself that seeing the lovely angel dance later that evening would surely put me in a better mood. As I waited,
a funny scene was taking place on the dance floor. This club played mostly retro 80's dance music, the likes of The Smiths, The Cure, New Order, and
Depeche Mode. Dancing to this music actually requires some level of skill and grace. Booty shakin' is heavily frowned upon by the majority of
the clientele. This one jock type was trying to dance up, and on my love. She would gracefully move away with each advance, but he persisted. I went to
the bar, and noticed when I returned that she had gone from her usual spot. I turned to my left, and there she was. Standing right next to me. Hands folded behind her back, rocking back and forth on her heels and tippy toes. She leaned her head to one side, smiled, and said hello.

We made acquaintance, and engaged in small talk. The angel went by the name of Sheri. Sheri Holland. A bit ironic, I thought, considering I technically was still dating a Dutch girl. We spoke at length, and went our separate ways at the end of the night.

It went on this way for about four months. I always looked forward to seeing her and she always made me
feel good. During that time she was dating a guy at the club off and on, and this didn't affect me in the least. I still thought the world of her, but never made it my goal or objective to capture her. I'm still not
sure why. I guess I just enjoyed the situation as it was.

One night I came home from work, and my roommate (same friend from the club) said there was a message for me from Sheri on our voicemail. Strange, I thought, we had never exchanged phone numbers, or said the typical "I'll call ya sometime" to each other.
The message was an invitation to go with her to a new club that had opened downtown on a Thursday night. "She wants you" was the first thing my roommate had to say about it. "Not necessarily," "I mean, I'm sure it was just a friendly invitation" "Oh c'mon!!" he insisted "Its so obvious!" I unfortunately had to decline her offer, because I had to work. I assured her I was looking forward to seeing her on Friday.

That night she greeted me as usual and bought me a drink. "I have to tell you something later, so don't let me forget" she said. Later that night I cornered her and
asked what it was she had to tell me. "I have a crush on you," she said with conviction. I told her I was very flattered, it wasn't everyday that I was told this by a contender for most beautiful girl in the world. After
some heavy flirting, I warned her, in a playful manner, that I would have to kiss her before the night was over. I agreed to walk her to her car, and we left the club together hand in hand. We sat on the roof of a
building overlooking the city skyline and kissed for the first time. I went home with her, and we fell asleep in her bed, fully clothed, locked in embrace. We went on our first official date a few nights later. I
enjoyed being with her more than anything. She was beautiful, graceful, down to earth, intelligent, funny, and playful as a kitten.

Did I mention stunningly beautiful? My Sheri.

After the date I once again spent the night. During our first intimate moments, scarcely clothed, I felt
her trembling under my touch. I could feel her emotion, it wasn't a nervous tremble, but a tremble of excitement. For me it was pure bliss, a feeling I will never forget. I can close my eyes to this day and feel a warm sensation come over me as I relive that precious moment.

Every time we were together was Heaven on Earth for me. Shortly after we started dating, I could feel deep down in my heart that somehow I would always carry
the same feelings for her, as if I had no choice in the matter. During our time together, my life had been lifted to a new level. The grass was always greener, the sky took on new shades of blue, and I was living
in a virtual dreamland.

It was a feeling so pure, and so right, I wish I
could get it in a pill.

One night at the club she snuck up on me like she
always did, and threw her arms around me squeezing me tight. I swear to this day at that exact moment I was transported to a different galaxy in her arms.
I ceased to hear the music, see the people around us. It's as if we were whisked away to a far off place riding a spiral of intertwining souls. That night I told her someday I would share a secret with her about that particular evening, so she should remember it. That same night as she drifted off to sleep she whispered in my ear "It will be nice to someday hear you say that you love me"

The spell she cast upon me had me living in a dreamlike state nearly 24-7. So I never actually came up with any kind of long term plan for our relationship, or thought about us spending the rest of our lives together. I was too wrapped up in the joy of the
present to think about the future.

Eventually she told me that it had to end.

Without being able to explain exactly why, she needed to be alone. She had been engaged and living with someone for two years prior to our relationship, and although she was certain that she would never be
with this person again, she was still not over it. She asked me not to wait for her.

I let her go, and acted as if it didn't bother me as much as it really did. I forced myself to believe that it was over forever and I cried every day for weeks. She would call from time to time, and admit that she missed me when I saw her at the club, but I forced myself to maintain the belief that it would never again be as it was, and continued to grieve. My biggest fear was that I would never again be able to feel the way she made me feel. She was irreplaceable.