Short term/long term goals:
be more responsible.
quit smoking
consume alcohol only once a week.... preferably only once every other week.
get a better job.
get my life in order.
get over my fear of trying new things.
trust myself and others.
not be afraid of opening up to people
be on time.
stop being so selfish.
get my own place.
let the past go.
learn to love myself.
become more organized.
do what I have to do to better myself.
stop holding myself back.
not in a good mood today.....kinda feel like a piece of shit. A good friend of mine was killed a couple days ago. Wrapped her car around a telephone pole. My girlfriend, being really supportive, came over to my house. We talked for awhile. I told her that I needed to go out with my best friend JD to make sure he didn't do anything dumb. So i did. So, basically, I left my girlfriend at my house while I went out with friends and got hammered. I got home at 2:30 A. M. and she was asleep. I laid down next to her and passed out. She didn't wake up. Everybody keeps asking me if I'm ok and if everyone is ok....but the truth is I can't fucking feel anything anymore. My friend Haley will no longer be anywhere anymore and all I can do is go out and get fucking hammered in her honor. How small minded am I? We went to the bar where she use to work last night everyone around me was crying. I feel so bad about what happened on the inside, but I just looked around and ordered a beer. I felt like an observer. Everybody deals with things differently, but I haven't shed a single tear for her yet. I want so bad to cry. I want so bad to call her boyfriend who is one of my best friends and tell him that I love him and that I'll always be there for him, but I don't. and I wont. I'm not depressed. I'm not suicidal. I'm just fucking tired. My life has been an ongoing party for five years now. I've drank my fucking liver to bits. I'm ruining my life. I've ruined other peoples lives. People that I love and care about. It is horrible that it takes something like this to get through my thick fucking shell of a brain. I am so sorry to everyone that I have hurt. I'm so sorry for anyone who i've made feel small. I'm the small one. I'm the one who isn't worthy of your time.
I love you Hailstorm. No more stress. No more stupid boyfriend troubles. No more small town gossip. All you have to do now is just wait there. Wait there for everyone you love. They'll see you again someday.
be more responsible.
quit smoking
consume alcohol only once a week.... preferably only once every other week.
get a better job.
get my life in order.
get over my fear of trying new things.
trust myself and others.
not be afraid of opening up to people
be on time.
stop being so selfish.
get my own place.
let the past go.
learn to love myself.
become more organized.
do what I have to do to better myself.
stop holding myself back.
not in a good mood today.....kinda feel like a piece of shit. A good friend of mine was killed a couple days ago. Wrapped her car around a telephone pole. My girlfriend, being really supportive, came over to my house. We talked for awhile. I told her that I needed to go out with my best friend JD to make sure he didn't do anything dumb. So i did. So, basically, I left my girlfriend at my house while I went out with friends and got hammered. I got home at 2:30 A. M. and she was asleep. I laid down next to her and passed out. She didn't wake up. Everybody keeps asking me if I'm ok and if everyone is ok....but the truth is I can't fucking feel anything anymore. My friend Haley will no longer be anywhere anymore and all I can do is go out and get fucking hammered in her honor. How small minded am I? We went to the bar where she use to work last night everyone around me was crying. I feel so bad about what happened on the inside, but I just looked around and ordered a beer. I felt like an observer. Everybody deals with things differently, but I haven't shed a single tear for her yet. I want so bad to cry. I want so bad to call her boyfriend who is one of my best friends and tell him that I love him and that I'll always be there for him, but I don't. and I wont. I'm not depressed. I'm not suicidal. I'm just fucking tired. My life has been an ongoing party for five years now. I've drank my fucking liver to bits. I'm ruining my life. I've ruined other peoples lives. People that I love and care about. It is horrible that it takes something like this to get through my thick fucking shell of a brain. I am so sorry to everyone that I have hurt. I'm so sorry for anyone who i've made feel small. I'm the small one. I'm the one who isn't worthy of your time.
I love you Hailstorm. No more stress. No more stupid boyfriend troubles. No more small town gossip. All you have to do now is just wait there. Wait there for everyone you love. They'll see you again someday.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
dont be so hard on yourself!
you are awesome and if someone i know died i would get hammered in their honor too.
im here if you need to talk.
and me and dan will def come to kewanee and get a beer with you on your day designated to drink once every other week!
that text pic made me smile inside and out.
I was by no means ever close to Haley. Frankly, she and I didn't see eye to eye at all. I had only ever spoken to her a couple of times. I can only imagine what you are going through considering the fact that you were around her quite often. I know that you are probably not going to reach a point in which you do end up crying but, if that does happen... ever, not just now, I am here. You don't always have to be so strong for everyone. I don't know if you mean to do it or not but one thing that I have learned about you since we met is that you always try to stay strong for everyone around you. While that is a great quality to have, sometimes, you just have to let it out.
I'm sure that you know all of that already. I just wanted to remind you that I am here should you decide that you ever need anything. Seriously, man. You can't keep things bottled up so much. It's not good for you.
I don't mean to be writing you a novel or anything but I just wish that there was some way that I could help you with what you are going through. And I know that you said that you aren't going to end up calling Shane.. but, if you ever get the urge to again, please do. He really needs his friends right now. And he probably wouldn't talk to me much if I tried to call him because of all the crap that I said to him at his going away party before he left for boot.. But you are one of his best friends, Dan. And I think that it would mean a lot to him. Even if you just shot him a text message to let him know that you are there if he needs you.
Wow. I need to shut up now. Ha.
BOTTOM LINE IN CASE YOU DON'T READ ALL THE SHIT ABOVE:
I'm here. Seriously.