Ok! I gotta stop being a 'fuck-up'. I realize that despite my inherent love of academics, my deep rooted apathy will always lead me to avoid going to class or doing schoolwork unless it is absolutely essential.
Rather than improving my scholastic standing, the fucking-up I'm concerned about is the general state of affairs of the rest of my life. I never draw, paint, or take photos anymore. I'm not reading hardly at all anymore. I never walk downtown anymore, or leave the house other than on a specific mission. I haven't bought groceries in 3 months, I eat at the same 3 places over and over again, always ordering the same thing. I spend the majority of my day (which usually begins at 4 pm) watching the same dvds over and over again and playing games on the computer. The only struggle in my day is to try to force myself to go to sleep at a reasonable time so I can awake for my classes at 9 the next morning (which always fails), which leads me to my backup struggle of trying to stay awake until my morning classes (which also is not nearly successful enough).
I didn't use to be like this. Even a few months ago I don't think I was like this. I think I will try to stay out of the house all day tomorrow. Maybe go take pictures, but I bet the contrast will be shitty, I'll smoke a ton of cigarettes regardless.
There, I've written something, hopefully now it can shame me into making it into reality.
Rather than improving my scholastic standing, the fucking-up I'm concerned about is the general state of affairs of the rest of my life. I never draw, paint, or take photos anymore. I'm not reading hardly at all anymore. I never walk downtown anymore, or leave the house other than on a specific mission. I haven't bought groceries in 3 months, I eat at the same 3 places over and over again, always ordering the same thing. I spend the majority of my day (which usually begins at 4 pm) watching the same dvds over and over again and playing games on the computer. The only struggle in my day is to try to force myself to go to sleep at a reasonable time so I can awake for my classes at 9 the next morning (which always fails), which leads me to my backup struggle of trying to stay awake until my morning classes (which also is not nearly successful enough).
I didn't use to be like this. Even a few months ago I don't think I was like this. I think I will try to stay out of the house all day tomorrow. Maybe go take pictures, but I bet the contrast will be shitty, I'll smoke a ton of cigarettes regardless.
There, I've written something, hopefully now it can shame me into making it into reality.
Then i realised all my friends were like this too. And all their friends. Ah yes, we're all art students. It will pass, you'll get the motivation do make some changes and it will all be cool and the gang.