Pregnant Blonde
My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway, the
other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping
for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and
down along with her.
She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about."
She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up
and down, when she told me that she was pregnant!
I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and
kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"
Then, she said "Oh, honey, There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked
her how she knew.
She said,
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"Well, that was the easy part. I went to the pharmacy and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"
I did not laugh
and normally they are so good you cant contain yourself but this might be funny to others. I had no idea they had a twin pack for these pregnancy tests. Maybe thats it.
Satanic Starbucks
A man died and went straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Back on your heads!"
Mental visuals are great here for instance. And I did chuckle.
Sumo Kamikaze
Three men, an Scot, an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted ''God save Scotland!''
The English man jumped off and shouted ''God Save England!''
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted ''God save the person who I land on!''
This is sheer genius. Right to the point and it doesnt involve a Mexican.
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If I had actual hobby/ies:
.....I have a thing for art involving females. Sketch or photography. Both would be good and I would really need to perfect myself for future portfolios. Now to get myself started. Hmm. I need my fav SG's.
These are very influential as well.
Oh and maybe fulfilling my quest to be a player on some soccer team. Would prefer mens league but Ill be slaughtered and its not allowed anyways. I think they would call me out as I would play like an effeminate boy. * thats if I were to like disguise myself*...only in movies but seriously I am considering joining an all women league.
I recall the dirty plays like getting spat on and cussed. High School Bayside Commodores was awesome and them bitches were from Brooklyn. I lasted 2 months with no recognition because I entered towards the end. Broken ankle here I come. Um no.
My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway, the
other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping
for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and
down along with her.
She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about."
She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up
and down, when she told me that she was pregnant!
I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and
kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"
Then, she said "Oh, honey, There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked
her how she knew.
She said,
****
****
****
****
****
****
****
****
****
"Well, that was the easy part. I went to the pharmacy and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"
I did not laugh
and normally they are so good you cant contain yourself but this might be funny to others. I had no idea they had a twin pack for these pregnancy tests. Maybe thats it.
Satanic Starbucks
A man died and went straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Back on your heads!"
Mental visuals are great here for instance. And I did chuckle.
Sumo Kamikaze
Three men, an Scot, an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted ''God save Scotland!''
The English man jumped off and shouted ''God Save England!''
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted ''God save the person who I land on!''
This is sheer genius. Right to the point and it doesnt involve a Mexican.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
If I had actual hobby/ies:
.....I have a thing for art involving females. Sketch or photography. Both would be good and I would really need to perfect myself for future portfolios. Now to get myself started. Hmm. I need my fav SG's.
These are very influential as well.
Oh and maybe fulfilling my quest to be a player on some soccer team. Would prefer mens league but Ill be slaughtered and its not allowed anyways. I think they would call me out as I would play like an effeminate boy. * thats if I were to like disguise myself*...only in movies but seriously I am considering joining an all women league.
I recall the dirty plays like getting spat on and cussed. High School Bayside Commodores was awesome and them bitches were from Brooklyn. I lasted 2 months with no recognition because I entered towards the end. Broken ankle here I come. Um no.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
cokeconfessional:
If only I could determine how to find it again...
cokeconfessional:
Haha, yes, and you can bring a notepad and pencil that will be consistently bitten on while I sit back in a chair, recounting the past couple of spiritless months.