domnicella

I have alot going on in my head. Lots of mixed up feelings thrown into that as well. If I can have the time to self analyze, I would do so in a second.
Why is it happening all of a sudden? and why do I need this tension?..I shouldnt ask myself. Just gets complicated with time and everytime I push it aside, it wont dissolve.
I know I have issues like everyone else. I get affected more because Im prone to vulnerbility, which bites.
Im not suffering from depression thankfully but there are times where Im so pessimistic about things in general that I could care less about everything, minus family. Might be the Russian blood in me that has a tiny, cold place in my heart. Some know how to push your buttons and they do it intentionally to see what your limit is. So its the norm for me to get set off and be on guard. I dont like it but its happened and just makes me think lesser of them and eventually I will step aside to avoid future, unnecessary stress.
(sighs)
Cheap form of therapy but it works for me. Im not a talker so writing it all down works best.

All in all I gotta look out for myself and stop pleasing those that take advantage of that. Which sadly is many.
More thinking proceeds.