on my way to san diego!! anyone live there?? lets hang out if you do.....in other news
soooo have you ever seen buffy the vampire slayer, not the one with luke perry but the show with sarah michelle gellar and david boreanez?? well in case you havent. david is a vampire named ANGEL. he has a soul. and every night he is plagued with the memory of what he did to his victims up until he got his soul. ok i sound like a geek but i loved that show in jr high and highschool. anyways the only reason why im bringing it up is because i think i found my soul and i hate it!! i mean i knew i had a good heart but this is different. everytime i close my eyes too long i not only relive my actions from last weekend, but i realive alot of different scenes in my life. over and over. instances when i was drunk and made a bad call. or jjust yelling at people for no reason because i was mad and needed a scape goat. well anyways, its been keeping me up. ive never felt like this ever. ive never felt GUILT> i mean i have been guilty of many things but it was because i knew i was supposed to be guilty. this, this is a different feeling. i fell different. anyways im going to san diego today. im leaving in like 20 minutes. 8 hr drive!! woohoo. i just wanted to say one more thing..........to anyone that i have hurt in the past due to my alcoholism im super sorry. and maybe not just my alcoholism but my bitchiness in general. im gunna work on it. take walks on the beach alone....and really think about life. AHHHHHHHHHH im soooooooooooooooooo excited im getting the fuck outta this one horse town. or should i say million horse town....im gunna move to the beach and run if i see a hick or a horse. im a city girl.
"cuz we are livin in a material world and i am a material girl" MADONNA
soooo have you ever seen buffy the vampire slayer, not the one with luke perry but the show with sarah michelle gellar and david boreanez?? well in case you havent. david is a vampire named ANGEL. he has a soul. and every night he is plagued with the memory of what he did to his victims up until he got his soul. ok i sound like a geek but i loved that show in jr high and highschool. anyways the only reason why im bringing it up is because i think i found my soul and i hate it!! i mean i knew i had a good heart but this is different. everytime i close my eyes too long i not only relive my actions from last weekend, but i realive alot of different scenes in my life. over and over. instances when i was drunk and made a bad call. or jjust yelling at people for no reason because i was mad and needed a scape goat. well anyways, its been keeping me up. ive never felt like this ever. ive never felt GUILT> i mean i have been guilty of many things but it was because i knew i was supposed to be guilty. this, this is a different feeling. i fell different. anyways im going to san diego today. im leaving in like 20 minutes. 8 hr drive!! woohoo. i just wanted to say one more thing..........to anyone that i have hurt in the past due to my alcoholism im super sorry. and maybe not just my alcoholism but my bitchiness in general. im gunna work on it. take walks on the beach alone....and really think about life. AHHHHHHHHHH im soooooooooooooooooo excited im getting the fuck outta this one horse town. or should i say million horse town....im gunna move to the beach and run if i see a hick or a horse. im a city girl.
"cuz we are livin in a material world and i am a material girl" MADONNA
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I'm sorry you're feeling like Angel - but trust me, you're not. Joss Whedon loves to make his characters happy and then rip the happiness away from them - I know that you can get yourself on the track that you want to be on. You're a strong woman, you just have to believe it!
;kiss: