Hewo, SGland! I hope you all spent a wonderful Christmas and I hope this new year will bring you good experiences (and hopefully this year will be better than the last 2...) It's been a long while I haven't written any blog, I am fully aware that I haven't been that active lately, only posting boring pictures, but this whole situation we are in right now has been bringing me down, stealing away my motivation to do anything, I've been busy with other stuff, plus right now I am in the mist of applying for a job I really want and hope I'll get, because I really need something else to help me deal with my financial stress. Anyway, all of this doesn't matter.
I've been wanting to write this blog for a couple of days now, but I just didn't know how to address everything, and I STILL don't really know how to address it. I've been following what is happening as of recently, and I've been lurking silently over this. I know some people want to know my opinion on the matter, but I am afraid of disappointing some. I just don't really want to talk about the issue going on, because I think it's been talked about a lot in the last few weeks. And to be honest, I really don't want to take any side. I'm actually pretty neutral on the matter. I mostly want to talk about my experiences so far on SG and what I think of SG and everything that happened to me in general. I'm sorry if this is a long read, I have no idea if this blog will be long, I haven't even organized my thoughts because I was unable to, so I am writing this as my mind thinks fit.
First of all, let me just tell you, I am grateful for everybody I met on this website. I am grateful for everything, even if I seem to not reply to you, or to not give you attention, or to not be totally there. Every message I receive, every comment, every tag I receive in threads, I am aware of, I see you, but sometimes I just don't really know what to say, or sometimes I just forget to reply/like your comment or message. That doesn't mean I don't see you or hear you. I guess it's just my absentminded personality, and I'm sorry for it. Like I said, I've been busy/not motivated enough to be as active as I was when I first joined. I hope in the future I can do better on that. I miss writing blogs and everything and once things have settled, I am planning on getting back into it. This isn't just my profile on SG that has been suffering, but also my sites and social medias, so... it isn't just here. BUT! Like I said, I wanna do better this year. Hopefully, this will be the last year we spend in a pandemic, I kind of feel it (I just don't want to speak too fast...)
Second, I have seen my friends, over the course of those few days, deciding to leave the site or having their sets removed, or members having their subscription cancelled, due to recent events. It makes me really sad, but I respect their choice. And I hope they will respect mine for deciding to stay. Like I said, I do not take any side, and I do not want to take any, and I don't want to HAVE to take any. As much as I understand their frustration, concerns and disappointment, I also hold hopes for SG to hear its members/models, and to work things out. This is not easy for any of us. This is not gonna be an easy journey, but we can only hope for the best.
People have to understand that even if SG is working things out, they will never be able to satisfy everyone. It's outright impossible. This is how business is. If your business is suffering in any way, you can only do your best to make things a little bit better, but you cannot expect to satisfy every single one of your members. This is an impossible reach. I don't think this is what people actually want, but you get my point. I have recently taken the decision to stop producing porn on my Onlyfans and only focus on erotic/cosplay stuff; not because I wasn't comfortable with it, but because it took so much of my time, and I was receiving little for how much effort I was putting in. And people got disappointed; some even were frustrated with me, and insulted me. I won't stick to the rhetoric of "if you don't like it here, just leave" because I don't think this statement is solving anything. My example might not even be the same, but this is just something people have got to remember; not everybody will be satisfied, and that's okay. I just hope that if not everybody can be 100% satisfied, they can at least be appeased with any changes SG will decide to make.
I joined SG to just gain an experience. I wanted to experience this community. I've known SG since I was in high school in the middle of the 2000's, but I knew almost nothing of what it was. I was living in the middle of nowhere, where nobody knew about it. I just stumbled on some pictures while surfing the internet, and at that time, I was really into gravure idols and modelling (gravure models are hugely popular in Japan, and mostly consists of girls in bikini or underwear.) Yes, I was looking at girls in underwear when I was 15 lol I was myself interested in doing this (when I would be of age of course.) But I also thought SG was only for girls with tattoos, so it never occurred to me to check on it again, not until very recently. So I spent much of my 20's not worrying about it, until my boyfriend talked to me about it, and since I finally had tattoos (I got my first one back when I was 27 and I have never thought of getting tattoos, I just wanted my cat's name tattooed on me since he passed away, but then... I got obsessed and things snowballed; I have 10 or 11 tattoos now...) So this is why I decided to join back in January 2020 (already 2 years!!!) Of course, like many I harbored the goal of becoming pink, but really I really really did not believe I could make it. When I thought of SG I thought mainly of those sexy girls in magazines, and I thought me with my cute anime style will never be as sexy as those women, and I will never make it pink. By joining the site, I immediately saw the struggle of some Hopefuls at becoming pink, and this just reinforced my thought that I might not make it, not until many many years. I immediately regretted not signing up sooner. My boyfriend himself told me that one of his friends who is an official SG told him that becoming an official is very hard (she became pink after 4-5 years of trying.)
I did not even know where to start, and I am forever grateful for @altstudiocanada to have reached me personally to start shooting a set. I am also grateful for all people who liked and commented my first set, because to my huge surprise, it got SOTD, and I just couldn't believe it. And even though I was very happy, I quickly felt guilty and bad. Because I knew that so many Hopefuls were trying for years and that it was their ultimate dream to turn pink. I cannot even say if being an official SG was my dream, I did not even know myself, I just knew that it would be really cool, but to say it was an all-time dream of mine... I didn't know and I still don't know if it is so. I know for some it is a big deal because it could change their life, but for me, nothing has changed in my life at all since becoming pink. Like I said, I am very happy and grateful that it happened, because I have never thought I could make it, but... the thing I could now do as an official was to support other Hopefuls, and other SGs. I did support a lot of people when I was a Hopeful myself, and I continued to do it as an official. Recently though, I know I've been away... but I am mending this!
Quickly though did I realize that keeping the SOTDs coming was a harder task. So that is why I said I understand the frustration of many (both Hopefuls for not turning pink, or other SGs with very few SOTDs.) Of course, I felt the same, and I still feel the same, but at the same time, I understand there are so many models on this site, and so many sets going live every week. I cannot imagine how it is to sit through and look at all those sets, and choose SOTDs. BUT! I know so many Hopefuls who deserve to be pink, models like my dear friend @charmed, or @mikan or @kaydie (and many more.) I really want to get back into writing blogs to support those Hopefuls I wish could turn pink. I remember the thrill I had when one Hopeful I wrote about finally turned pink (this model was @krissi, btw!) Of course, I was myself starting to lose hope as I have plenty of sets out but only one got SOTD, until I got my second one in November. And now, I wonder if my other sets will get it, and sometimes I tell myself, nah it won't be happening until another year... but I will do my best to be active and I still have fun and new ideas for sets that I want to do in the near future.
I also quickly realized that not a lot of SGs actually support other girls, which I find sad. I know some are supportive, @olgakulaga is one model who is very supportive, but it seems to me that it is only a few. I wish I could see more support in the community from official models. But of course, the members are always there to support us. I am glad to have met a couple who have been supporting me, I can think of @waxford69 who comment my posts often, or @metalfreak who posts pics of my sets in threads, or @ojtheviking who has shouted me out in his blogs. I am forever grateful and happy to have those members supporting me and support other models. I know some cancelled their subscription after what happened, and it will be sad to see some very supportive members go. But I do hope some changes will come and that we can make this community a better place.
I first joined to be a part of this community. I cannot say I had bad experiences on SG; my disappointment at not getting more SOTDs will not be a part of a bad experience, because I just feel like this isn't a bad experience in itself and it sounds a bit childish to me to just put "what I want but cannot get" in a "bad experience" category, and I do not forget nor do I ignore all the nice conversations I've had, and all the nice people I've met so far. Some people told me "I will leave SG, that is the most sensible thing to do right now" and I respect their choice. For me, I just cannot leave all of this behind me, because in a way, I've just had good experiences on here. Even if I would have never turned pink, I would have still had good experiences. Even before my first set went live, I've had good stuff happened. Of course, I do believe some things should change; with a long-standing business, you have to change some things from time to time, as society is changing and people's mentalities are changing. Will I myself be 100% satisfied? Probably not, but I cannot expect everything to go my way. I can only make the best of it.
I'm scared of leaving some things I wanted to say behind, but I think that sumps up what I wanted to say overall. I didn't want to dwell on the subject, because like I said, it's been talked about enough, but I just wanted to throw my experience in there. Of course, this is just one experience amongst a lot of different ones. But I think some people have been waiting on me to say something... but, yeah, I cannot just leave SG behind after everything it has done for me. It actually gave me an outlet for my modelling that I have been doing for years, but never really showed, and it is actually pretty difficult to start a business in modelling these days. But thanks to SG, I was able to start an Onlyfans, grow my social media, post and sell sets on Gumroad, and many more things (also start a Twitch channel). I don't think I would have done any of this if I didn't sign up on SG. I just hope, no matter what people decide to do, that they will be happy in whatever decision they make. Remember, SG is one website amongst others. I am happy that my friend @mikan talked to me about CosplayDeviant, because this will be my next step going forward as I got into cosplay.
PS: I just wish that some people would have talked about this without insulting each other. I have seen some stuff in threads... I hope this will be solved so we can get a happy community again. I also hope that people who were patient enough to read my blog and who will decide to reply to it, will remain respectful. I also want to wish @mikan and @olgakulaga good luck in the new Model Council and we hope to hear from you all soon!
Thank you again, and I hope I will continue having a good experience on SG with the remaining of you all!
~ DollyPanda ~
