dollface___

Thank you for breaking my heart.
Thank you for making me believe that I could actually be happy, and something could go right.
Thank you for making me believe that someone could actually like or want to be with me.
Thank you for planning things and saying forever, only to take it all away from me.
Thank you for letting me fall for you like I've never fell for anyone before, and like I'll never fall for anyone again whilst all the time you were thinking "she isn't worth it".
Thanks for trying to dump me in the nicest possible way when I know it's all bullshit.
Thanks for letting me give so much of me to you so you could just throw it all back in my face, and leave me feeling used, just like everyone else has before.
Thanks for letting me think you were different.
Thank you for looking at me like you did... When we were curled up, and I'd open my eyes and see you staring at me, and the way you kissed me softly when I did that dumb smile I do when I scrunch up my nose that you always said was so cute.. You know, for the first time in my life I really felt loved, though you could never say it.
Thank you for making me feel pretty. It took a year and a bit but I was just starting to believe it...
Thank you for getting me through one of the hardest years I've ever had... Only now to leave me in a worse state than when I started.
Thank you for giving me a reason to wake up every morning.
Thank you for always calling me cutie.
Thank you for never giving up on me when I wouldn't meet you, never letting me push you away, and fighting for this.. What we had. Even though you were the one to throw it away.
Thank you for all our silly sayings and in jokes, and always letting me get away with "aww-ing" at your accent.
I love you and I don't know what the fuck to do.
I've asked to talk to you later, I don't know why... I don't know what I'm going to say. I know I can't change your mind. And even if I did I don't know if it would be the same because now I know you don't see any point in this. Maybe you never did, maybe I was just the girl at the end of the motorway you could keep away when you wanted, and fuck when you wanted and that was it. You say you still want to talk to me... How the hell am I supposed to be with you if I can't be yours? Am I supposed to give you relationship advice on your new girlfriends, pretend thats okay?
I feel empty, and so alone. I dont want to talk to anyone because I know they'll all be laughing thinking "I knew it". I always did say you were too good for me, and I didn't believe we'd worked out... Funny, eh?
You always got cross when I was melodramatic and feeling sorry for myself... Well know what? I don't see a point in anything anymore. I'm lost. Empty. I've lost the part of me I liked the most and now I'm supposed to put my brave face on as usual, and pretend "I'm ok, Im always ok" to anyone who asks whats wrong. It's my sisters birthday party today.. I had to turn up all puffy eyed and aching inside and leave after 10 minutes. It's my brothers work experience next week, and I can't go sick and hide in bed to get over you because he needs me. All I want is you. I can't do this anymore.