What's it all about?
We spend our lives in a bubble.
We go out to our jobs, we come home from work, we veg out.
At the weekend we may go for a few drinks with mates.
You know, when I started working here back in March I thought I was the luckiest man alive. Here's me, a long haired hippy kid who got dragged up on the wrong side of town, being taken in to work in Switzerland!
I may put on a happy facade when I get back home, but it's not all fun.
Far from it!
There's times I'm over here when I feel low as hell.
Sat at a computer coding shit and designing shit for sometimes over 12 hours a day all week.
Then I pick up my music collection and headphones on a Friday and it's off across Switzerland to DJ for the weekend.
I may have told this story, but please, hear me out...
I remember back in late February. I was fed up with DJing. Fed up to the point where after a gig I would do nothing but moan and cry all the way home, much to my girlfriends pleasure /sarcasm.
It got to the point where I had a heart to heart with a friend one weekend and I made a promise to myself, and him I'm getting out of the business, and getting a 9-5 job.
I went and woke my girlfriend up (this was probably about 4:30am) and told her all this. She said she would support me in whatever my decisions, but to not make any choices until I had auditioned over here in Switzerland.
Well, I came, I played, I conquered!
The time away abroad and the money persuaded me to take the offer.
So that's why we do it!
MONEY!
Does it matter that we make ourselves unhappy for it?
Does it matter that we put ourselves in a situation where we spend most of the week away from our partners?
Does it matter that we physically and mentally exhaust ourselves for it?
In my eyes it does!
The way I feel right this second I want to pack it in over here.
I know that would be stupid because I need the money. There it is again! MONEY!
Why do I need the money?
Well my and Laura are trying to save for a place of our own and a wedding. And the money over here is GOOD!
But does it matter that I put myself through this?
I have problems.
I have issues.
Confidence issues mostly.
Which then manifest themselves in different ways. Ways that I don't like.
Paranoia being the main one.
Paranoia that I'm not a good enough partner for Laura.
Paranoia that people are actually just stringing me along.
Paranoia that Laura will meet someone else whilst I'm out here.
I guess that stems down to my fear of being alone as well.
Last week sometime (well, the night I made my last blog post here) was another low day, but after pouring my heart out to Laura over Skype and email about all my issues and shit I've been fine.
Today though?
Back to square one!
And it's getting worse as the day goes on.
I can't wait to pack up my gear in the morning and get the train to Basel so I can chill out for a couple of days on my own in my apartment there before coming home on Sunday.
We keep telling ourselves we can make a difference to our lives and the lives of those around us. What is everyone doing about it though? I know for a fact I'm putting myself through hell to make a difference!
There's gonna be some major changes to my life from 1st October. For the better hopefully. No smoking, less drinking, and a mostly vegetarian diet. I need to get fit again!
Lol
I like how I wrote the word again at the end of that last sentence, like I've EVER been fit!
Oh well, I'm starting to ramble, so I'm just gonna leave now and go sulk. Looking at my laptop screen, looking at my iPad screen, looking at my phone screen, just waiting, and waiting
What for?
Well, who knows!
xx
We spend our lives in a bubble.
We go out to our jobs, we come home from work, we veg out.
At the weekend we may go for a few drinks with mates.
You know, when I started working here back in March I thought I was the luckiest man alive. Here's me, a long haired hippy kid who got dragged up on the wrong side of town, being taken in to work in Switzerland!
I may put on a happy facade when I get back home, but it's not all fun.
Far from it!
There's times I'm over here when I feel low as hell.
Sat at a computer coding shit and designing shit for sometimes over 12 hours a day all week.
Then I pick up my music collection and headphones on a Friday and it's off across Switzerland to DJ for the weekend.
I may have told this story, but please, hear me out...
I remember back in late February. I was fed up with DJing. Fed up to the point where after a gig I would do nothing but moan and cry all the way home, much to my girlfriends pleasure /sarcasm.
It got to the point where I had a heart to heart with a friend one weekend and I made a promise to myself, and him I'm getting out of the business, and getting a 9-5 job.
I went and woke my girlfriend up (this was probably about 4:30am) and told her all this. She said she would support me in whatever my decisions, but to not make any choices until I had auditioned over here in Switzerland.
Well, I came, I played, I conquered!
The time away abroad and the money persuaded me to take the offer.
So that's why we do it!
MONEY!
Does it matter that we make ourselves unhappy for it?
Does it matter that we put ourselves in a situation where we spend most of the week away from our partners?
Does it matter that we physically and mentally exhaust ourselves for it?
In my eyes it does!
The way I feel right this second I want to pack it in over here.
I know that would be stupid because I need the money. There it is again! MONEY!
Why do I need the money?
Well my and Laura are trying to save for a place of our own and a wedding. And the money over here is GOOD!
But does it matter that I put myself through this?
I have problems.
I have issues.
Confidence issues mostly.
Which then manifest themselves in different ways. Ways that I don't like.
Paranoia being the main one.
Paranoia that I'm not a good enough partner for Laura.
Paranoia that people are actually just stringing me along.
Paranoia that Laura will meet someone else whilst I'm out here.
I guess that stems down to my fear of being alone as well.
Last week sometime (well, the night I made my last blog post here) was another low day, but after pouring my heart out to Laura over Skype and email about all my issues and shit I've been fine.
Today though?
Back to square one!
And it's getting worse as the day goes on.
I can't wait to pack up my gear in the morning and get the train to Basel so I can chill out for a couple of days on my own in my apartment there before coming home on Sunday.
We keep telling ourselves we can make a difference to our lives and the lives of those around us. What is everyone doing about it though? I know for a fact I'm putting myself through hell to make a difference!
There's gonna be some major changes to my life from 1st October. For the better hopefully. No smoking, less drinking, and a mostly vegetarian diet. I need to get fit again!
Lol
I like how I wrote the word again at the end of that last sentence, like I've EVER been fit!
Oh well, I'm starting to ramble, so I'm just gonna leave now and go sulk. Looking at my laptop screen, looking at my iPad screen, looking at my phone screen, just waiting, and waiting
What for?
Well, who knows!
xx