So, on friday I woke up at about 8am. I had the day off because of the state employee furloughs (grrr). Got my work out in, did a bunch of yard work and weed control. Took my friend to the train station then went out that night. I didnt fall asleap until last night at about 2am. Before going to bed my mind started to wander off and think about random crap. As I do on a regular basis, I was going over some Megadeth lyrics in my head when it hit me: I am addicted to chaos.
This may sound fucked up but anyone who has known me well for any length of time knows this is true: I am happy when I have someone else around that has greater issues then I do, and I compleetly enjoy helping people fix their problems (if they are seeking help with it that is). Well what do I do when thoes people get their shit together and things are going well for them or even just normal every day life occurs? Answer: My mind turns on me and focuses on my issues. The thing is that I have the same "issues" that I have had for as long as I can remember, and I thought I had fixed them many times just for my brain to cause a train wreck when there was nothing else to distract me. So now my problem is, how do I break the cycle? Can I still have my times of being happy if I break the cycle?
Addicted to Chaos
Only yesterday they told me you were gone
All these normal people, will I find another one?
Monkey on my back, aching in my bones
I forgot you said "One day you'll walk alone"
I said I need you, does that make me wrong?
Am I a weak man? Are you feeling strong?
My heart was blackened, it's bloody red
A hole in my heart, a hole in my head
Who will help me up?
Where's the helping hand?
Will you turn on me?
Is this my final stand?
In a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me
I'm addicted to chaos
Light shined on my path, turn bad days into good
Turn breakdowns into blocks, smashed them 'cause I could
My brain was labored, my head would spin
Don't let me down, don't give up, don't give in
The rain comes down, the cold wind blows
The plans we made are back up on the road
Turn up my collar, welcome the unknown
Remember that you said "one day you'll walk alone"
Who will help me up?
Where's the helping hand?
Will you turn on me?
Is this my final stand?
In a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me
I'm addicted to chaos
Who will help me up?
Where's the helping hand?
Will you turn on me?
Is this my final stand?
In a dream I cannot see, in a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy, tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me, random turmoil builds in me
Oh, it builds and builds and builds
In a dream I cannot see, in a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy, tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me, random turmoil builds in me
I'm addicted to the, I'm addicted to the chaos
Addicted to chaos
Music & Lyrics - Mustaine/Friedman/Ellefson/Menza
This may sound fucked up but anyone who has known me well for any length of time knows this is true: I am happy when I have someone else around that has greater issues then I do, and I compleetly enjoy helping people fix their problems (if they are seeking help with it that is). Well what do I do when thoes people get their shit together and things are going well for them or even just normal every day life occurs? Answer: My mind turns on me and focuses on my issues. The thing is that I have the same "issues" that I have had for as long as I can remember, and I thought I had fixed them many times just for my brain to cause a train wreck when there was nothing else to distract me. So now my problem is, how do I break the cycle? Can I still have my times of being happy if I break the cycle?
Addicted to Chaos
Only yesterday they told me you were gone
All these normal people, will I find another one?
Monkey on my back, aching in my bones
I forgot you said "One day you'll walk alone"
I said I need you, does that make me wrong?
Am I a weak man? Are you feeling strong?
My heart was blackened, it's bloody red
A hole in my heart, a hole in my head
Who will help me up?
Where's the helping hand?
Will you turn on me?
Is this my final stand?
In a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me
I'm addicted to chaos
Light shined on my path, turn bad days into good
Turn breakdowns into blocks, smashed them 'cause I could
My brain was labored, my head would spin
Don't let me down, don't give up, don't give in
The rain comes down, the cold wind blows
The plans we made are back up on the road
Turn up my collar, welcome the unknown
Remember that you said "one day you'll walk alone"
Who will help me up?
Where's the helping hand?
Will you turn on me?
Is this my final stand?
In a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me
I'm addicted to chaos
Who will help me up?
Where's the helping hand?
Will you turn on me?
Is this my final stand?
In a dream I cannot see, in a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy, tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me, random turmoil builds in me
Oh, it builds and builds and builds
In a dream I cannot see, in a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy, tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me, random turmoil builds in me
I'm addicted to the, I'm addicted to the chaos
Addicted to chaos
Music & Lyrics - Mustaine/Friedman/Ellefson/Menza
And yes, things are going well. You need to meet Eric here pretty soon. Don't be surprised; personality-wise, I found a male version of myself.
So yes, soon.