Sunday Nov 27, 2005

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Dear Mary Prankster,
I think your music is fabulous, Watching you play it and jump around the little stage like a monkey is really, really a lot of fun. But honestly...

I know it's your farewell show and all, and you can have it anywhere you goddamn well please, but for God's sake, if I'd wanted to drive an hour and a half to see...
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goob:
today on the train i was overhearing some fascinating conversation from the seat in front of mine. A man was explaining to his companions that his 14 year old daughter did NOT need a cellphone, and he wasn't going to allow her to have one. The woman he was with was sympathizing with the daughter, because "everyone has one". She was actually very nasty about it, kind of implying that he was being unreasonable and mean, that the girl deserved to have what she wants. I don't agree. I think he's completely right to deny her a phone. Why does a 14 year old need to yak all the time and run up a bill, especially if she's failing history and english? It would be a waste of her money, and as far as the security of having a cellphone, well she's 14 so she's not out on her own ever. There's always phones around. When I was her age I used payphones in emergencies. What's the big deal?

Ok, so after all this listening in and wanting to join their conversation to defend the poor father, I realized something: I'm getting old if I'm on Dad's side.

Damn kids these days got no respect.

Sunday Nov 27, 2005

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So I was making coffee this morning, I accidentally knocked over my jar of Hell Yeahs. I was kind of a bummer, but no big deal, I just clean them up and put them back, right? Wrong. When the Hell Yeah jar fell over, it hit a glass of water and knocked it over. All of my Hell Yeahs got soaked, so I had to...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
goob:
I wouldn't mind flying, but I think I might be freaked out seeing the insides of things.

Hell Maybe. wink
goob:
or maybe...

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Saturday Nov 26, 2005

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Anybody who reads something positive should go here and watch the movie. It's not bad, considering what it is. If you don't read S*P, go read it Something Positive Then watch the movie.

Tuesday Nov 15, 2005

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This is very strange.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
dodraibeid:
Earlobes don't bleed unless Chuck Norris says so.
goob:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his
girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Thursday Nov 10, 2005

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God, I'm sick of seeing that last entry. I can look at this one, now.

Um...

Ladies love cool James.
dodraibeid:
I would SO NOT DATE YOU based on your driver's license. Unless you fuck on the first date.

love,
Seth
goob:
kiss

In my driver's license picture I'm naked.

Does that count for anything?

Saturday Oct 29, 2005

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Everything is horrible
Boo hoo
really really really terrible
boo hoo
I'm really depressed
I'm really downtrodden
I'm downtrodden squared
boohoo, boohoo
boohoo
boohoo
boohoo
The whole world is doomed
yeah, we're all gonna die
Tewnty five thousand six hundred seventy two people die every single minute
Boo hoo
boo hoo
boo hoo
seventeen hundren and fifty people just died
Cancer
death
aids
inflation
taxes...
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quietlythere:
whoa
siv:
You like SMALL tits?

Saturday Oct 15, 2005

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Woooooohoooo!
Goodby infuriating job! Hellloooo mind numbing job!

Really, I'm so happy I could shit!


Also, V8 may well be the best thing that ever was.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
goob:
oh, and i agree on the v8 thing. i like regular, with lemon, even the spicy.

but that v8 splash shit- wtf? that's not v8. it's corn syrup.
chrisalis:
whoo hoo for mind numbing!.... I think.

you know you just want to quit that job and panhandle in philly. you could play your harmonica on street corners for a nickel. smile

Tuesday Oct 11, 2005

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Congratulgoddamnlations, Siv. You've decoded the message and get to beat me with a... WTF?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
hrlyquinn:
Were both of the above comments from Siv?
siv:
tee hee blush

Sunday Oct 09, 2005

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May I have your attention pleaese! I am dreunk, anf makintgunnecesarym,uncorrected typos,.



I was gonna go to sleep, but was entriced with a good story,.

it was a good story. It'll be in my memoirs. Or Tony's. Seems justifies , consiering it happenned to hime.



You will now coorrect my typosbeow.

Fisrt one to decode getsa cookie.























That is all.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
goob:
hey i want a story. and a cookie.

do i have to wait until your memoirs are published? or tony's?
siv:
May I have your attention? I am drunk and making unnecessary, uncorrected typos.

I was going to go to sleep, but I was enticed/entranced by a good story.


It was a good story. It'll be in my memoirs or Tony's. Seems justified, considering it happened to him.

You will now correct my typos below.

First one to decode gets to hit me in the face with a congenitally deformed fetus.

That is all.

* * * * * *


WHAT WHAT? NEWSPAPER EDITOR IN THE HEEZEE, BIYAAAAA.


wink
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