How to make pizza:
1) Get hungry.
2) Decide to cook dinner.
3) Agonize over what to make
4) Finally settle on making pizza
5) Get ingredients:
3 cups of flour
1 tsp salt
2 tbsp extra extra extra extra virgin olive oil (If you wish, you may substitute 1 tbps of raging slut olive oil.)
1 tbsp Italian seasoning
1 tbsp pot (Tell people it's oregano. Better yet, just use oregano.
1 package of yeast
1 cup water
6)Make dough
Throw all of that shit together in some fashion. Or you can take 1/4 cup water, put the yeast in it for 5 minutes. Meanwhile, mix up all the dry stuff. While it is hysterically funny, do not pretend to sneeze into the bowl of flour and shit and make it go everywhere. Unless you are cooking in someone else's house. And they've already told you that they'd clean up. Then, go for it.
Anyway, after 5 minutes, pour the rest of the water and oil into the yeasty water. Yeast is alive, you know.
The pour the wet stuff into the dry stuff. Mix it up. With your hands. Then hug people. A lot of people. Then laugh your ass off. Cause they have dough all over them. Haha. Stupid people. Accepting hugs. You're such an asshole.
Now you have dough. Crack a beer. You've got some time. In the next hour, you should learn how to toss a pizza. I'll tell you, but you should really have someone show you.
Take the ball of dough that you end up with, and push a little ring into it about a quarter inch from the edge all the was around. Then flip it over. You should still be able to see the ring. Gently (Did I mention that you should have plenty of flour under the dough? Yeah, that's a good idea. A critical one, actually. ) work your way around the edge, stretching the dough out at the sides. (Seriously, get someone to show you.) Then toss it. You gotta slap it against your arm, and kinda catch the ridge on the edge with your middle finger and run your other hand up the length of the skin. Turn it 90 degrees each time you switch hands.
7) Then make sauce. Take some tomatoes... ah, fuckit. Order out.
1) Get hungry.
2) Decide to cook dinner.
3) Agonize over what to make
4) Finally settle on making pizza
5) Get ingredients:
3 cups of flour
1 tsp salt
2 tbsp extra extra extra extra virgin olive oil (If you wish, you may substitute 1 tbps of raging slut olive oil.)
1 tbsp Italian seasoning
1 tbsp pot (Tell people it's oregano. Better yet, just use oregano.
1 package of yeast
1 cup water
6)Make dough
Throw all of that shit together in some fashion. Or you can take 1/4 cup water, put the yeast in it for 5 minutes. Meanwhile, mix up all the dry stuff. While it is hysterically funny, do not pretend to sneeze into the bowl of flour and shit and make it go everywhere. Unless you are cooking in someone else's house. And they've already told you that they'd clean up. Then, go for it.
Anyway, after 5 minutes, pour the rest of the water and oil into the yeasty water. Yeast is alive, you know.
The pour the wet stuff into the dry stuff. Mix it up. With your hands. Then hug people. A lot of people. Then laugh your ass off. Cause they have dough all over them. Haha. Stupid people. Accepting hugs. You're such an asshole.
Now you have dough. Crack a beer. You've got some time. In the next hour, you should learn how to toss a pizza. I'll tell you, but you should really have someone show you.
Take the ball of dough that you end up with, and push a little ring into it about a quarter inch from the edge all the was around. Then flip it over. You should still be able to see the ring. Gently (Did I mention that you should have plenty of flour under the dough? Yeah, that's a good idea. A critical one, actually. ) work your way around the edge, stretching the dough out at the sides. (Seriously, get someone to show you.) Then toss it. You gotta slap it against your arm, and kinda catch the ridge on the edge with your middle finger and run your other hand up the length of the skin. Turn it 90 degrees each time you switch hands.
7) Then make sauce. Take some tomatoes... ah, fuckit. Order out.
I am gonna save your lil' recipe there. Maybe someday I will get adventurous and try it out.
I can't get the radio thing to work. I want to hear you. Poo!