dodraibeid

Once upon a time, there was a guy named Jack.
He lived with his mother, and they were very poor.
One day his mother sent him into town, to sell the cow, 'cause they were so poor, see.
But on the way to down, Jack saw a dealer, and sold the cow to him for some LSD.
Jack took the LSD, and man, was it some good shit.
He was tripping his face off in very short order, and very soon, he was staring at the grass and giggling like a lunatic.
He watched as a tiny beanstalk grew to epic proportions and Jack was like "Dude. I totally need to climb that."
So he started to climb. He climbed and climbed for what seemed like hours, but he wasn't really sure because he was so fucked up he couldn't even remember his own name. Finally he came to the top.
When he got there, he saw a HUGE castle. Wow, he thought. I'm SO going in there. As Jack walked through the massive double doors, he saw that everything in the castle was at least three times normal size. The chairs were ten feet tall, the tables were all massive. Fit for a giant.
It was right about this time that Jack started freaking out. There was no one around to talk him down, but instead of leaving, the retard decided to reason with himself.
"Everything's cool, man. You're solid. Just keep cool, and you'll come down soon. Timothy Leary had a trip like this once...I think I heard that somewhere. Just breathe, and think about something el-" BOOM!
The ground began to shake. BOOM! Down the hall, he heard a voice that sounded like Barry White gargling razorblades, only much deeper, and much louder. It rumbled "Fi fie foe fippy! I smell the dreads of a tweaked out hippy! Be he tripping or be he stoned, I'll drink his blood and chew his bones!" Fuck, Jack thought.
Suddenly, around the corner came the biggest Pokemon Jack had ever seen. Jack tried to hide behind the leg of the massive ottoman, but the Pokemon saw him. "PIKA!" It shouted.
It hopped over to him, and Jack sook with fear. Jack was certain it was going to eat him or spit fire at him or somthing, but as it loomed over him, it smiled, and nuzzled his chest, and cooed, "Piiikaaaa." He's friendly. Jack thought. Cool.
Just then, Jack remembered the booming voice he heard a few minutes before. He started to wonder where it came from, but immedatly stopped. For stomping towards him was the biggest man he had ever seen in his life! Seriously, this motherfucker was huge. "There you are!" He shouted, "Put down that Pokemon!"
Shit, Jack thought. I really really wish I wasn't so fucked up right now. I'm gonna just walk out slowly, and maybe he'll go away. But I can't just leave this Pokemon here, I love him! I have to save him from the giant!
Jack put the Pokemon uder his arm, and ran as hard as he could. He ran straight out of the castle and towards the beanstalk with the giant right on his ass the whole way. As he gently put the pokemon on the beanstalk and watched him begin to slide down, he turned around and flipped the giant the bird and shouted "So long, sucka!"
Jack and the Pokemon slid to the bottom of the beanstalk and Jack decided he would chew through the beanstalk and knock it down, just like he'd seen raccons do on TV. Maybe they were otters. Some shit like that. Anyway, he chewed and chewed, and the beanstalk fell over, and the Giant died.
When he got home, his mom was really mad that he had sold the cow for acid. Struggling to some up with some sort of excuse, he was like "But Mom!" I got this Pokemon, and it'll go for like thousands of dollars on eBay!
But his mom was like a total bitch about it. She was all like "Yeah, that's another thing! The cops called, and they said that a guy fitting your description ran out of the comic book store with a giant cardboard cutout of a Pokemon! I told them I didn't know anything about it! You made me a liar, Jack! I'm calling the cops!"
"No!" Jack cried, "I love him!"
"Yeah, I can tell. So much that you were just ready to sell it on eBay. You better hope the toystore doesn't press charges. Your PO will be pissed, and you'll be back in Juvie before you can blink!" she yelled.
Jack was starting to come down, now. He looked over at his beloved Pokemon, and saw, that it was in fact just a cardboard cutout. The police came for him, and put him in the squad car.
As he was being escorted from his home, he heard a little childs voice "Mommy, look! That's the dirty hippy who was trying to eat the tree at the park."
The store didn't press charges, and Jack was released into his mother's custody. She grounded him for a month, and he never did drugs again.
Until college.
But that's a different story.
THE END.