doctoroctopus

Laying awake when you desperately don't want to be, wishing you could be somewhere, anywhere else other than awake and trapped. Not really knowing what you're trapped by exactly, just stuck. Stuck in a state of consciousness. Stuck in a state of perpetual thought when you wish it could all be blank. Be simple. Be straightforward. Wishing with all that you are that you could feel whole. Feel worthy. Feel like your existence has value beyond your own day to day whims. Feeling as though you simply exist rather than live. Feeling those alternating thoughts of hope followed by hollow numbness. Lather, rinse, repeat. Meaning is such a subjective thing, yet the thing that should be most validating. Yet here you are, just wishing to feel valid.