Soooooo, yeah.
I went clothes shopping today.
Not because I wanted to update my style or I felt my wardrobe had gotten old or anything -- truth be told, aside from the occasional complaining that men's fashion has trodden the same path for centuries (walking on the side of either "plain and boring" or "who the fuck would even want to wear that?" without ever entering any middle ground), I just don't think a lot of how my clothes look. If it's stain-free, hole-free, and fits, I'm cool.
I know. That comes as a big shock. Well, it's a shock to anybody who's never heard a woman's stand-up comedy routine in the past fifty years.
So today I went and got clothes. Not because of stains. Not because of holes.
I went and got clothes because mine no longer fit.
I have, despite my best efforts, gained weight. And I'm not going to make my embarrassment complete by actually listing my new trouser size on this page, but I am going to say this: I didn't have to buy the next size up. I had to go up two sizes.
This has made me angry at myself, disappointed, and frankly a little depressed, as well as causing me to despair a little bit about my career. For a male actor, you either have to be lean and athletic, or you have to weigh 300+ pounds and be willing to run down the street in a baby bonnet and diaper for a laugh. Right now, my physical shape hovers in between the two. I'm an average American male -- too round to be athletic, but too light to be a lardass. As far as Hollywood is concerned, there is no room in film or television for someone shaped like me. The main exceptions to that rule right now are Greg Grunberg and Seth Rogen. Greg Grunberg has the added advantage of being one of J.J. Abrams' favorite actors. Seth Rogen doesn't count because (A) he's also really tall, and (B) the bastard had to go and lose weight recently and get skinny.
So I either have to lose the weight or pack on more pounds, because I'm in a realm right now that very rarely gets work.
The advantage to losing weight is that I get healthy and can play a wider range of roles -- including fat roles, because I'll be an actor who actually knows how to move in a fat suit.
The disadvantage to losing weight is that it takes a lot of work and dedication, and I'll also probably have to add in dance or martial arts lessons (that I can't really afford at the moment) to learn how to move so that I won't still be moving like a fat kid.
The advantages to gaining weight are cheesecake, Heritage Dr Pepper, popcorn at the movies, and chocolate bars.
The disadvantages to gaining weight are heart disease, diabetes, limited flexibility, forced single life, and having to build a career doing Chris Farley's style of humor. Not that I dislike Chris Farley. I just don't want to be Chris Farley.
So, the argument clearly favors losing the weight.
In the meantime, I'm laundering all my old jeans one last time, folding them, and putting them into my chest of drawers. I fully intend to be wearing them again soon.
I went clothes shopping today.
Not because I wanted to update my style or I felt my wardrobe had gotten old or anything -- truth be told, aside from the occasional complaining that men's fashion has trodden the same path for centuries (walking on the side of either "plain and boring" or "who the fuck would even want to wear that?" without ever entering any middle ground), I just don't think a lot of how my clothes look. If it's stain-free, hole-free, and fits, I'm cool.
I know. That comes as a big shock. Well, it's a shock to anybody who's never heard a woman's stand-up comedy routine in the past fifty years.
So today I went and got clothes. Not because of stains. Not because of holes.
I went and got clothes because mine no longer fit.
I have, despite my best efforts, gained weight. And I'm not going to make my embarrassment complete by actually listing my new trouser size on this page, but I am going to say this: I didn't have to buy the next size up. I had to go up two sizes.
This has made me angry at myself, disappointed, and frankly a little depressed, as well as causing me to despair a little bit about my career. For a male actor, you either have to be lean and athletic, or you have to weigh 300+ pounds and be willing to run down the street in a baby bonnet and diaper for a laugh. Right now, my physical shape hovers in between the two. I'm an average American male -- too round to be athletic, but too light to be a lardass. As far as Hollywood is concerned, there is no room in film or television for someone shaped like me. The main exceptions to that rule right now are Greg Grunberg and Seth Rogen. Greg Grunberg has the added advantage of being one of J.J. Abrams' favorite actors. Seth Rogen doesn't count because (A) he's also really tall, and (B) the bastard had to go and lose weight recently and get skinny.
So I either have to lose the weight or pack on more pounds, because I'm in a realm right now that very rarely gets work.
The advantage to losing weight is that I get healthy and can play a wider range of roles -- including fat roles, because I'll be an actor who actually knows how to move in a fat suit.
The disadvantage to losing weight is that it takes a lot of work and dedication, and I'll also probably have to add in dance or martial arts lessons (that I can't really afford at the moment) to learn how to move so that I won't still be moving like a fat kid.
The advantages to gaining weight are cheesecake, Heritage Dr Pepper, popcorn at the movies, and chocolate bars.
The disadvantages to gaining weight are heart disease, diabetes, limited flexibility, forced single life, and having to build a career doing Chris Farley's style of humor. Not that I dislike Chris Farley. I just don't want to be Chris Farley.
So, the argument clearly favors losing the weight.
In the meantime, I'm laundering all my old jeans one last time, folding them, and putting them into my chest of drawers. I fully intend to be wearing them again soon.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
brisuscheez:
Well, good luck! I'm sure everything will all work out. I'm just trying to be positive. But I think my time in VA has run it's course. I had a directing job offered to me on Tuesday and given away on Wednesday because I didn't call this person back fast enough, even though I saw him in person and said lets talk about it now, but he insisted I call instead. And secondly I didn't get cast in "Henry IV" but was asked to co-stage manage instead and I politely had to say "Sorry I'm looking to act this spring, not SM". I love theatre, but I'm over all this DRAMA! :/
brisuscheez:
Ah well, I can't even go to Canada now because of the snow - but things will work out! I'm going to try to chat with the professors by Skype or something. I just think if this weekend gets 4ft of snow it's going to be hard to travel. 