docsparrow

i am not the best person the best friend or the best boyfriend i could be

i have a hard time dealing with all that shit

the people that know me well understand me but at the same time the people that know me well i mistreat

i dont know what it is about me that does this its just who i am

i do my best to take care of my crew but i cant always do it cause of who i am

i am always the first person everyone calls when they need something cause the know i wil drop everything to come to there aid..

but

i am to easy to walk away to easy to not care to easy to fall back into my bottle of whiskey that washes all the bad dreams the bad feelings and the bad things that i have done away

i want to stay here i want to live here i want to be happy

but sometimes i wonder if it really is all that easy

its so much easier to not care to do what i want to not give a fuck

being back with the only person i have ever loved has been the most exhilarating amazing and happiest time of my life in the last 2 years but at the same time i feel like i might be robbing her of what she wants and what she needs

i love her i need her and want to be with her

but at the same time i cant take the fighting the words and the hitting at some point i will break and i will hurt her and i dont wanna hurt someone i love

i dont know what the hell to do but either way i will feel awful