dobler

this has got to stop.

i have got to put an end to this.

i am exhausted from working 60 hours a week for the past month. it is making me go insane.

i am going to say right now.....starting this second........that i will not have sex with him ever again.

i don't care how much i want it. i will stop myself. because i won't get over this until i do. i was fine before he came into my life. sure, i fantasized about things that were completely out of my reach....but not entirely.

i miss fantasizing. i miss being ok with staying home on a saturday night. i miss MY MOM. i miss sour cream and onion chips. i miss staying up late in my room by myself watching horrible teen movies.

i miss empire records.

i miss when me and my best friend didn't have cars or jobs. i miss when we loved ourselves. i miss subway.


i miss that in the winter time.....when it would snow a lot for the first time my mom would come sit on the edge of my bed and wake me up and whisper "brit wake up look at all the snow"

thinking of that makes me tear up. and now i am crying.

i miss christmas mornings when my parents were together.

i miss my grandma and how she drank milk with supper no matter WHAT we ate. i miss my cousins. i miss my aunt.




i think i am actually very happy. just very tired.

i miss parts of my old self.