Hello,
Wow this was one crazy weekend. On Saturday or whatever, Ben came over (he's Jon's best friend) and he was pretty cool. Then we went to Joe's Crab Shack and met with Beth and her brother and his wife and Beth's roommates. We were celebrating Jon's 25th birthday and afterwards went to Beth's apartment for some cake and jello shots. I've never had jello shots. Didn't like, really. Yes, but then of course, me and Ben finished off all the tequila and Jack Daniel's. I had not been that drunk, well probably ever. So Jon, Ben, and Beth and I drove back to the apartment and I hurled all over the bathroom. I don't remember ANY of the throwing up part but when I woke up there was a huge pile of barf on the bathroom floor mat and all over the shower curtain and some on my jeans. Shit. I haven't thrown up since I was like a little kid. Then I had to go to work the next day completely hung over. I was fucking really sick Thursday or Firday night with a bad fever and shit and as I write this I still feel ill. Shit. This was one of the first weekends or weeks I didn't see my parents at all since I've moved out. Yeah, that's a good thing. I'm so fucking tired of my "I'm over in America so I should have low self esteem" bullshit attitude. Honestly, I also felt that this weekend marked the beginning of some big change in my life but looks like I won't be starting school soon. Um, yeah, so I am also really tired of masturbating to this website. Since I don't care who reads this crap right now, let me just come out and say it, I'm a virgin. Doesn't make me a bad person, but I have just not been ready to have sex that's all. My foreskin didn't retract until I was 19 and I have...oh crap, I forgot what I was to say. Maybe it's too big of a subject to broach. I talk about myself a lot. Maybe because I don't express how I really feel, ever, anymore, because that would be self-destructive in my viewpoint. Um, I'm sorry I even have to think like this and be over-analytical but I have to...shit, forgot how to end that again. Maybe I've had wierd parents, maybe I don't care, maybe I'll stop thinking now that I'm finally "there." It's a sad bard's tale of a little Danish sheep gone astray, but in this land of morals, I'll be the one to say, everything that was on my mind, at the time, and you...oh, can't end it, but I don't care who sees that I'm a jackass. I will quit, eh, I feel so sick. This will be my longest ass post, like the one's I write in my handwritten journals. I have thousands of pages of those. Quick thought: "HELP!" Holy shit, I've awaken from the slumber. No. But I will say this, I don't really know where I am in a sense anymore on this planet Earth. I mean, I do...but, I don't care what happens. All the events that unfold must come to pass while I will stay inside and smoke weed I guess. Option A. I want to do good, believe me, but the world is not worth caring for. I dunno. I'm becoming overly self-concious at the moment. *cough**cough* I just don't have anything really interesting to say. The past is done you see. I definetly need to start reading again. Or maybe not. Bah. Why, well, what. I guess I should stop pretending and just give in. Now I remember where I was. Okay. I guess I will add more. I hate the fucking concept of editing. Maybe I really am a simpleton/fool. When you are too immersed in the chaos of your intellect for a long ass time, you wanna get away I guess. I could be totally wrong. I just wanna be liked by everyone, but I am universally hated. Wait, no I'm not. But, I am universally considered...um, a crazy person(?)...that's how I take it. And the thing is, I don't see it. I don't think I'm crazy. I know the world thinks I'm crazy, but I just think, hey world I didn't fuck with you but now you're trying to fuck with me. How fucking dare you! So, that is why I am a libertarian. I dunno. I just know that right now, I can feel my bones stretching in a metaphorical sense. Duh. And I feel, as though I should come to a decision about something or it will have lasting...ah, yes, and the Holy Bible...the book from whence I was scared to read out of. Me likes to have the holy mindset to understand and interpret all of it. Yes, because as much as Christians are hated right now...no, I dunno. Yes, I'm scattering my thoughts around. I have totally lost my mind to drugs and alcohol. Not. Okay, but one thing is set. No. Uh. I saw an old friend at work...Saturday. He used to be friends with my best friend. I haven't talked to either one in over two years though. I have been busy working and such. Uh. Yeah, so I was also feeling that, well you know, the universe is a strange thing for me to be fucking around with especially when a fucking member of this site dies in Iraq, and I was just thinking the other day about that happening. On NPR, a soldier died and his family wanted the rights to his email account but they wouldn't give it to them out of respect for the privacy code. Okay, first of all, let me pay my deepest respects and sympathies to Wolfmoon98. I have only known one other person my age who has ever died. You know, I feel like a child writing this, and that's not so good, because my inside voice is telling me, no, they can't understand what you say when you write like that, you have to be more descriptive. And I just say, fuck it, who cares, who the fuck are you, nothing matters, we're all gonna die, crap. See, the trouble is, is when...CENSORSHIP. That's the trouble right there. That's why I America...well, no I love America (right?), but if I were really high right now and...you know what actually...smoking weed is totally bad energy. It just makes you paranoid! Omg, I should have listened to...another thought, there must be so many fucking people out there right now who just don't have a fucking clue about what's going on. Like, they um, I dunno. Crap, I sneezed again! I would really like it if my personality unfolds to the desires I had when I was young. I love making people laugh at my own expense. You might say, wait, he's not funny. But I tell you friend, there is too much suffering and hate in this world. Hate begets hate. It can not be overcome by science or...shit, I forgot. It's just, Melissa at work was laughing it up. Man, every chick who comes in that place loves me...to work with. Sex appeal? Well, I didn't think I had any, until last year in Denmark. But, whatev. Elliott Smith fucking killed himself but the dude was on a lot of psych meds so it's no surprise. I have stopped talking like this, like that everybody on psych meds is gonna go off the wall and shoot themselves because it makes me come off as crazy. Yeah, he died more than a year and a quarter year ago. Yeah. Uh. I need help. No, I need to establish my own thing. Do my own thing. Like Chris Farley was laughed at and likeable because he did his own thing. I hate people who try to be so fucking smart all the time. No, you're not smart, you're just a dick. I wish it was 1992. I just picked a random year. Eh. My brain...don't work right now. I just slept five hours that's all and I woke up feeling sick and sneezing. Oh my gosh, I want to be back in Denmark reading Arnes Ann comics and eating licorish. AAAAHHHH!!! Dammit, it ain't going to happen. I seriously can't take it anymore. Yes, you can, you lived here for 17 years...yes, but I didn't know I was living a lie. So you've foresaken everything you ever knew to be true? Pretty much. You built yourself around false ideals and when the shit hit the fan there was no one there to protect you? What the fuck did you say? Are you Derrick Zoolander? No, no, no, but I wish I was! I'm just...the Cable Guy. Actually, that movie is genius. What am I saying? I'm turning into an adult, all because I'm 20. H-o-l-y s-h-i-t. See, I don't want to do anything that would compromise my eternal salvation here. I don't want to be a bad person is all. I want to be a good, hardworking Gilbert Grape is all. This website is a lie. My whole life is a lie. I mean, just kidding. I'm...still stoned? I dunno. But who really cares. I'm just really unexperienced. It's the sad truth. I hate to admit it and it's hard to swallow. I mean, I have confidence now, I lost more weight. I hate fat people. Maybe I have just been eating too much. Regrardless, I've turned this post into a regular nightmare. I have truly fucked it up for everyone and I exclude myself from the game of life. Life. Ahahaha, no I just been seeing random people from the past and it's good...it returns me to safety, to the all-knowing and the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Everything is too advertised though. That's why I love Europe. I love Denmark. That's the only thing I learned last year. No matter how bitter and terrible and stupid and pointless and bad it gets over here and in the world between the U.S. and the Arab world, I heave a collective sigh of "well for God's sakes Jesus, just show up already." I'm sorry, that is not how the Lord works though. I know, I know, I know. Shoulda listen when I'm told. Just kidding, I just bought the Smashing Pumpkins dvd music videos or something. Perhaps, it is because I learn through what I read and say and hear now, instead of what I see and feel and experience with sight. Omg. I used to be a visual artist. The only other persons who I consider good artists are Gabe and Roby (real name, Aubry). I guess that's the seed I've sown over here...and now I'm starting to recollect...fuck, I just sneezed again! Okay, but that's it right there. Now, I have enchanted myslef with these delightful whims to see with clarity and an open mind, the abundance of all things past, and the present for which holds the key to our understanding. I'm sorry, I mean the future. Goof! What the hell am I saying. So, in all seriousness, this candle never died. The flame just got a little dim. I could be wrong, but who wants to handle that. Uh. Seriously. So what have I decided to base my life on for the next...years? What is the turning point? Hmmm. It is, to...maybe I need to watch a Roger Avary movie or something. I've lost my creative edge a long time ago when I realized that I was gonna die. Back to Elliott Smith, I almost commited suicide once. No wait, no I didn't. I was close though. That's another thing, only great artists (in the perception of other people) commit suicide. I'm sorry, it's just a fact. I know, because I have been an artist my whole life, no matter what I am now, I was, still, and will always be...an artist. No matter how much this site makes me feel inadequate or petty or unimportant, I dunno, I was there first. This whole new generation seems to have taken up from out of nowhere in my eyes. I dunno. These eyes have become dead though. The workings of sin, no my foreskin. But, alas, now I shall come to my final conclusion...I will masturbate no more forever. Muhahaha. I'm glad I healed "that" up. No one understands, but they will. I'm sure. It'll all come to pass.
Wow this was one crazy weekend. On Saturday or whatever, Ben came over (he's Jon's best friend) and he was pretty cool. Then we went to Joe's Crab Shack and met with Beth and her brother and his wife and Beth's roommates. We were celebrating Jon's 25th birthday and afterwards went to Beth's apartment for some cake and jello shots. I've never had jello shots. Didn't like, really. Yes, but then of course, me and Ben finished off all the tequila and Jack Daniel's. I had not been that drunk, well probably ever. So Jon, Ben, and Beth and I drove back to the apartment and I hurled all over the bathroom. I don't remember ANY of the throwing up part but when I woke up there was a huge pile of barf on the bathroom floor mat and all over the shower curtain and some on my jeans. Shit. I haven't thrown up since I was like a little kid. Then I had to go to work the next day completely hung over. I was fucking really sick Thursday or Firday night with a bad fever and shit and as I write this I still feel ill. Shit. This was one of the first weekends or weeks I didn't see my parents at all since I've moved out. Yeah, that's a good thing. I'm so fucking tired of my "I'm over in America so I should have low self esteem" bullshit attitude. Honestly, I also felt that this weekend marked the beginning of some big change in my life but looks like I won't be starting school soon. Um, yeah, so I am also really tired of masturbating to this website. Since I don't care who reads this crap right now, let me just come out and say it, I'm a virgin. Doesn't make me a bad person, but I have just not been ready to have sex that's all. My foreskin didn't retract until I was 19 and I have...oh crap, I forgot what I was to say. Maybe it's too big of a subject to broach. I talk about myself a lot. Maybe because I don't express how I really feel, ever, anymore, because that would be self-destructive in my viewpoint. Um, I'm sorry I even have to think like this and be over-analytical but I have to...shit, forgot how to end that again. Maybe I've had wierd parents, maybe I don't care, maybe I'll stop thinking now that I'm finally "there." It's a sad bard's tale of a little Danish sheep gone astray, but in this land of morals, I'll be the one to say, everything that was on my mind, at the time, and you...oh, can't end it, but I don't care who sees that I'm a jackass. I will quit, eh, I feel so sick. This will be my longest ass post, like the one's I write in my handwritten journals. I have thousands of pages of those. Quick thought: "HELP!" Holy shit, I've awaken from the slumber. No. But I will say this, I don't really know where I am in a sense anymore on this planet Earth. I mean, I do...but, I don't care what happens. All the events that unfold must come to pass while I will stay inside and smoke weed I guess. Option A. I want to do good, believe me, but the world is not worth caring for. I dunno. I'm becoming overly self-concious at the moment. *cough**cough* I just don't have anything really interesting to say. The past is done you see. I definetly need to start reading again. Or maybe not. Bah. Why, well, what. I guess I should stop pretending and just give in. Now I remember where I was. Okay. I guess I will add more. I hate the fucking concept of editing. Maybe I really am a simpleton/fool. When you are too immersed in the chaos of your intellect for a long ass time, you wanna get away I guess. I could be totally wrong. I just wanna be liked by everyone, but I am universally hated. Wait, no I'm not. But, I am universally considered...um, a crazy person(?)...that's how I take it. And the thing is, I don't see it. I don't think I'm crazy. I know the world thinks I'm crazy, but I just think, hey world I didn't fuck with you but now you're trying to fuck with me. How fucking dare you! So, that is why I am a libertarian. I dunno. I just know that right now, I can feel my bones stretching in a metaphorical sense. Duh. And I feel, as though I should come to a decision about something or it will have lasting...ah, yes, and the Holy Bible...the book from whence I was scared to read out of. Me likes to have the holy mindset to understand and interpret all of it. Yes, because as much as Christians are hated right now...no, I dunno. Yes, I'm scattering my thoughts around. I have totally lost my mind to drugs and alcohol. Not. Okay, but one thing is set. No. Uh. I saw an old friend at work...Saturday. He used to be friends with my best friend. I haven't talked to either one in over two years though. I have been busy working and such. Uh. Yeah, so I was also feeling that, well you know, the universe is a strange thing for me to be fucking around with especially when a fucking member of this site dies in Iraq, and I was just thinking the other day about that happening. On NPR, a soldier died and his family wanted the rights to his email account but they wouldn't give it to them out of respect for the privacy code. Okay, first of all, let me pay my deepest respects and sympathies to Wolfmoon98. I have only known one other person my age who has ever died. You know, I feel like a child writing this, and that's not so good, because my inside voice is telling me, no, they can't understand what you say when you write like that, you have to be more descriptive. And I just say, fuck it, who cares, who the fuck are you, nothing matters, we're all gonna die, crap. See, the trouble is, is when...CENSORSHIP. That's the trouble right there. That's why I America...well, no I love America (right?), but if I were really high right now and...you know what actually...smoking weed is totally bad energy. It just makes you paranoid! Omg, I should have listened to...another thought, there must be so many fucking people out there right now who just don't have a fucking clue about what's going on. Like, they um, I dunno. Crap, I sneezed again! I would really like it if my personality unfolds to the desires I had when I was young. I love making people laugh at my own expense. You might say, wait, he's not funny. But I tell you friend, there is too much suffering and hate in this world. Hate begets hate. It can not be overcome by science or...shit, I forgot. It's just, Melissa at work was laughing it up. Man, every chick who comes in that place loves me...to work with. Sex appeal? Well, I didn't think I had any, until last year in Denmark. But, whatev. Elliott Smith fucking killed himself but the dude was on a lot of psych meds so it's no surprise. I have stopped talking like this, like that everybody on psych meds is gonna go off the wall and shoot themselves because it makes me come off as crazy. Yeah, he died more than a year and a quarter year ago. Yeah. Uh. I need help. No, I need to establish my own thing. Do my own thing. Like Chris Farley was laughed at and likeable because he did his own thing. I hate people who try to be so fucking smart all the time. No, you're not smart, you're just a dick. I wish it was 1992. I just picked a random year. Eh. My brain...don't work right now. I just slept five hours that's all and I woke up feeling sick and sneezing. Oh my gosh, I want to be back in Denmark reading Arnes Ann comics and eating licorish. AAAAHHHH!!! Dammit, it ain't going to happen. I seriously can't take it anymore. Yes, you can, you lived here for 17 years...yes, but I didn't know I was living a lie. So you've foresaken everything you ever knew to be true? Pretty much. You built yourself around false ideals and when the shit hit the fan there was no one there to protect you? What the fuck did you say? Are you Derrick Zoolander? No, no, no, but I wish I was! I'm just...the Cable Guy. Actually, that movie is genius. What am I saying? I'm turning into an adult, all because I'm 20. H-o-l-y s-h-i-t. See, I don't want to do anything that would compromise my eternal salvation here. I don't want to be a bad person is all. I want to be a good, hardworking Gilbert Grape is all. This website is a lie. My whole life is a lie. I mean, just kidding. I'm...still stoned? I dunno. But who really cares. I'm just really unexperienced. It's the sad truth. I hate to admit it and it's hard to swallow. I mean, I have confidence now, I lost more weight. I hate fat people. Maybe I have just been eating too much. Regrardless, I've turned this post into a regular nightmare. I have truly fucked it up for everyone and I exclude myself from the game of life. Life. Ahahaha, no I just been seeing random people from the past and it's good...it returns me to safety, to the all-knowing and the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Everything is too advertised though. That's why I love Europe. I love Denmark. That's the only thing I learned last year. No matter how bitter and terrible and stupid and pointless and bad it gets over here and in the world between the U.S. and the Arab world, I heave a collective sigh of "well for God's sakes Jesus, just show up already." I'm sorry, that is not how the Lord works though. I know, I know, I know. Shoulda listen when I'm told. Just kidding, I just bought the Smashing Pumpkins dvd music videos or something. Perhaps, it is because I learn through what I read and say and hear now, instead of what I see and feel and experience with sight. Omg. I used to be a visual artist. The only other persons who I consider good artists are Gabe and Roby (real name, Aubry). I guess that's the seed I've sown over here...and now I'm starting to recollect...fuck, I just sneezed again! Okay, but that's it right there. Now, I have enchanted myslef with these delightful whims to see with clarity and an open mind, the abundance of all things past, and the present for which holds the key to our understanding. I'm sorry, I mean the future. Goof! What the hell am I saying. So, in all seriousness, this candle never died. The flame just got a little dim. I could be wrong, but who wants to handle that. Uh. Seriously. So what have I decided to base my life on for the next...years? What is the turning point? Hmmm. It is, to...maybe I need to watch a Roger Avary movie or something. I've lost my creative edge a long time ago when I realized that I was gonna die. Back to Elliott Smith, I almost commited suicide once. No wait, no I didn't. I was close though. That's another thing, only great artists (in the perception of other people) commit suicide. I'm sorry, it's just a fact. I know, because I have been an artist my whole life, no matter what I am now, I was, still, and will always be...an artist. No matter how much this site makes me feel inadequate or petty or unimportant, I dunno, I was there first. This whole new generation seems to have taken up from out of nowhere in my eyes. I dunno. These eyes have become dead though. The workings of sin, no my foreskin. But, alas, now I shall come to my final conclusion...I will masturbate no more forever. Muhahaha. I'm glad I healed "that" up. No one understands, but they will. I'm sure. It'll all come to pass.