So I watched Griffith D W's "Birth of Nation." Don't ask me why. I guess it was more out of curiosity. I grew up in California so the South is very foreign to me. I guess I watched it with the perverse intention of trying to understand how the South "became a nation." Let me tell ya. I couldn't watch five minutes of it without fast forwarding. Not only was it a silent movie, but the blatant racism became apparent very early in the movie. There were allusions to the degradation of the white race by Negro blood and so forth. It was almost hilarious how dramatic they made it seem when the Black council made it legal for interracial marriage. Somewhere in the middle of the "blackfaces" and the befuddling justification for slavery, I stopped the movie. It puzzles me how America used to think this kind of movie was acceptable. I'm assuming that back then, Art (if you could call movies back then "Art") imitated Life. I doubt it highly that Life imitated Art. Anyway, I still wonder what if would be like being a Chinese person in the South during those times. Or would I ever be allowed to be in the South?
I'm only wondering these days, because living in Reno has made me acutely aware that I am one of the few Asian people living here right now. Actually, I am one of the few "colored" people living in Reno. It has been a completely different demographic in Reno than when I was in Chicago. In Chicago, most of my patients in the county hospital were African American. There are clear distinctions where Black people lived and where white people lived. And here in Reno, it's been all Caucasian American. Normally I'm so busy at work to realize the difference, but I was reminded of my foreign identity when I encountered a patient who asked, "Are you Vietnames, Japanese or Chinese?" I answered calmly, "Chinese." Then he proceeded to add, "You look like one of my buddies in Nam." I laughed one of those uncomfortable laughs, waiting for him to call me a Gouc or Nip or something derogatory. Then he said, "You know what they say, 'You guys all look alike.'" I was pissed. I retorted, "Is that what THEY say? Who are THEY?" I was thinking, "You mean YOU say that." He was silent and he hobbled back to his room. I made sure I wad loud enough to get my point across to whomever was standing around me. I was sick and tired of comments like that.
I get mixed up with my fellow resident on my team a lot. He's Vietnames and about my height. We don't look anything alike, but I get called his name and he get's called mine. He's got the thickest Vietnamese accent you can find, and I have none. Yet, I am always mixed up with him. I don't get it. It just shows me that people are not willing to know someone and learn their name and recognize their identity as an individual. When I meet someone, I remember their name forever. I associate something about them that distinguishes them from anyone else. I remember who a person is and not what the person looks like superficially. Why can't everyone do the same? Because people are lazy. People have lost the decency to know someone and recognize their Individuality. If we were all meant to blend in, we should cease to exist. There would be no need for many, because one person could represent us all. But we all have our individual qualities, desires, and ambitions. We have our own nuances, pet-peeves, and indiosyncracies. So why do we continue to lump people into groups or is it that we chose to categorize ourselves into groups?
Anyway, just a thought. I've learned how to be independent to the point when I find it hard to associate myself with any one group anymore. Identity is given to a person these days. It used to be that your earned your identity. You claimed it for yourself. But because identity is now defined by others, I have lost mine since I chose not to be defined. So complicated. The only way I think I can feel some sense of comfort is knowing that I have everything I need right now to make me happy. I have my family, a roof over my head, the beginning of a arduous career, my iPod with my music, and my neverending string of thoughts, senses, and emotions. That is all I need right now.
I'm only wondering these days, because living in Reno has made me acutely aware that I am one of the few Asian people living here right now. Actually, I am one of the few "colored" people living in Reno. It has been a completely different demographic in Reno than when I was in Chicago. In Chicago, most of my patients in the county hospital were African American. There are clear distinctions where Black people lived and where white people lived. And here in Reno, it's been all Caucasian American. Normally I'm so busy at work to realize the difference, but I was reminded of my foreign identity when I encountered a patient who asked, "Are you Vietnames, Japanese or Chinese?" I answered calmly, "Chinese." Then he proceeded to add, "You look like one of my buddies in Nam." I laughed one of those uncomfortable laughs, waiting for him to call me a Gouc or Nip or something derogatory. Then he said, "You know what they say, 'You guys all look alike.'" I was pissed. I retorted, "Is that what THEY say? Who are THEY?" I was thinking, "You mean YOU say that." He was silent and he hobbled back to his room. I made sure I wad loud enough to get my point across to whomever was standing around me. I was sick and tired of comments like that.
I get mixed up with my fellow resident on my team a lot. He's Vietnames and about my height. We don't look anything alike, but I get called his name and he get's called mine. He's got the thickest Vietnamese accent you can find, and I have none. Yet, I am always mixed up with him. I don't get it. It just shows me that people are not willing to know someone and learn their name and recognize their identity as an individual. When I meet someone, I remember their name forever. I associate something about them that distinguishes them from anyone else. I remember who a person is and not what the person looks like superficially. Why can't everyone do the same? Because people are lazy. People have lost the decency to know someone and recognize their Individuality. If we were all meant to blend in, we should cease to exist. There would be no need for many, because one person could represent us all. But we all have our individual qualities, desires, and ambitions. We have our own nuances, pet-peeves, and indiosyncracies. So why do we continue to lump people into groups or is it that we chose to categorize ourselves into groups?
Anyway, just a thought. I've learned how to be independent to the point when I find it hard to associate myself with any one group anymore. Identity is given to a person these days. It used to be that your earned your identity. You claimed it for yourself. But because identity is now defined by others, I have lost mine since I chose not to be defined. So complicated. The only way I think I can feel some sense of comfort is knowing that I have everything I need right now to make me happy. I have my family, a roof over my head, the beginning of a arduous career, my iPod with my music, and my neverending string of thoughts, senses, and emotions. That is all I need right now.