Why is it so rare? Why can we not tell people what we are thinking or feeling. I have had times in my life where I was a pleaser. Denying my feelings and needs for my girlfriend or friend or family. I was not being honest. "No I do not like that, no I do not want to do that, no that looks awful, are you kidding me that is ridiculous"...things I would not say but rather think to myself. But why, inferiority complex? Selflessness? Stupidity? I don't know but done. Done being a pleaser, done sacrificing my own needs, done caring? Maybe not fuck me I am tired of it.
Now this was about honesty hence the title. I hate liars. I fucking hate liars. You did it admit it, wtf? When I lived in NYC that is half the people I met. Outright truth stretchers. Liars. Agenda setters asking themselves how to lie and coerce people into what ever. Manipulation using their twisted truths to use and abuse. Now I do not mean to single out New Yorkers but it is my experience many have a inferiority complex of which they hide by covering themselves in self admiration and self importance. It is insidious and it lives everywhere.
These last paragraphs may slightly be in conflict. But that is life, ever changing ever evolving. I am compartmentalizing so much lately. Weighing the future and sacrificing the present. You can keep telling yourself the Big Picture is worth it but you have your doubts and the demons whisper in your ear, "Take your pleasure now, fuck the future, it is so far off."