So i spent all of last night with my good friend muling over the direction life/art has been leading us these past couple of years. Half a bottle of rum, and a trip to the liquor store later, i came to realize that we kept talkin about life and art as if they were the same thing.
In years past, i would have said that to be completely true. Especially with the drive we both had back then. But things have not been the same for me for a very long time. I haven't completed a painting in about 2 years now. And i haven't attempted to paint anything in .... about 9 months.
Still, i have the eager desire to get back on the canvas and go nuts again.
The images still flood my mind. I guess i'm in some kind of hybernation.
After a couple of hours of my friend wrapping his head around the idea that i might never paint again (that also meaning that i was giving up on life by doing so), he asked me what makes me happy. I had no answer.
I wasn't stuck, i just knew instantly that there was not anything around me that did it for me, and that i was begining a journey to find some new kicks.
This morning while driving to my shite job, i put in one of my old mixed cd's. And Cibo Matto's 'sugar water' came on.
For a moment, it was a beautiful day, and everything was perfect. I was happy.
In years past, i would have said that to be completely true. Especially with the drive we both had back then. But things have not been the same for me for a very long time. I haven't completed a painting in about 2 years now. And i haven't attempted to paint anything in .... about 9 months.
Still, i have the eager desire to get back on the canvas and go nuts again.
The images still flood my mind. I guess i'm in some kind of hybernation.
After a couple of hours of my friend wrapping his head around the idea that i might never paint again (that also meaning that i was giving up on life by doing so), he asked me what makes me happy. I had no answer.
I wasn't stuck, i just knew instantly that there was not anything around me that did it for me, and that i was begining a journey to find some new kicks.
This morning while driving to my shite job, i put in one of my old mixed cd's. And Cibo Matto's 'sugar water' came on.
For a moment, it was a beautiful day, and everything was perfect. I was happy.
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I think every artist I've ever known gives it up now and again, but it's just in you. It'll come back and you'll find yourself unable to not do something. You're way too good though. That shits gotta come out eventualy.
I ignored art for about 8 years and now I regret it. my skills are fo shore lacking, but if I don't compare my shit to other people's than it still brings me some happiness.
I bet you'll come back and do things that are new to you. Whatever and whenever, I'm sure it'll be awesome.