dithering

..woahh. life. s'fuckin intense sometimes.
-soo i guess ill just start of by saying, san francisco was EXACTLY what these bones needed.
possibly fixed me in ways that i never thought possible. ..suprisingly, jeff ended things with me before i even got there.. which honestly was for the best, because it saved my brain from being flooded with more disasterous drama that i could, generally, just. ..live without.

whelp.. i got there early thursday morning.. and got picked up by my ex that i hadnt seen in over five years (we had dated for five years prior to this break) ..needless to say, it was intense as fuck seeing someone that i had been without for just as long as i had been WITH. ..there were immediate predominant differences.. we were definitely not the same people we had left behind back in 2008.. but in the same breath, we had carried on as if we never left each other's sides. its just terribly apparent that i will always love him, he was my first taste of love.. and it obvious that there is no destroying that. ..that being said, i could never imagine being with him again., he showed me an amazing time over the next few days (thur-sun morning) albeit completely drug induced and crazed. ..fuck being around him completely reminded me of what its like to be a drug addict. ..between the two of us.. from thurs-sun we spent over 1200.00$ on drugs.. alone. i mean.. i dont regret it at all.. and i had a shit load of fun and would never in a million years do it any other way, but it is definitely apparent that he is insanely unhealthy for me.. and i am petrified of what my life might look like if i never cut ties with him back in the day. i am so appreciative for the stability and sanity i have acquired since i left him. ..as hard as it is to say. i fucking love the boy, but hes POISON.

-me in his clutches. -not really sure who this mess of a person is. - (taken saturday)


..onto sunday..

so after avoiding his sexual advances and confessions of undying love all saturday nigh into sunday morning.. i uhh kinda overslept.. causing my biffle to drive around sf all morning waiting for me to wake up.

-thats right... im a dick.-

finally i woke up and gave her my location, when she picked me up i was flooded with this weird overwhelming closure. i felt like, idk.. five years of confusion and insecurities had been put to rest.. which was AWESOME. super uplifting. ..so what does anyone do in that emotional sittuation? ..get fucking peirced,. duh.,

it was really awesome.. because we drove for like an hour while we caught up, gossiped and made plans for the next two days., and binge drank cheap vodka.. so all was going well.. then she suggested we go see tegan, this gawjuss ass peircer/model and get shanked a few times. OBVIOUSLY, i had no objections. i wanted these surface piercings on my hips for hella days and needed to be stabbed. ..unfortunately, i forgot to eat. =/ ..so for the first half hour of tegan measuring my belly and making her lines symmetrical, i was practically about to faint,. i was super sweaty, super nauseous, super whiny, and kept having to take breaks. it wasterribly embarrassing. but after an hour of struggling with fatigue.. i have four new holes in my body! =]

..after getting pierced, the next logical step was, -duh. get dessert.
went and got a bomb ass lemon/rapsberrie tart piee with rasp.vanilla swirl ice cream. shit was fukin tastey..

..weird thing was, while i was eating such mouth gold.. my bestie's bf (who i cannot fucking stand and constantly find myself arguing with) asked me if i wanted to go shoot some pool while was waited for X (my bestie) to get off work.. i was reluctant... but, figured.. "hey, why hold grudges and be spiteful for ever?" ..and agreed. fucking fool that i am.. went to r15 (a bar/pool hall) ..we walked in and he IMMEDIATELY got on his phone.. and proceeded to tell me something came up and he had to go.

-fucker flat out ditched me downtown with no company, no ride, NOTHING. i had to walk back 15 blocks to get to the nearest friend to chill with. -_____- ..motherdickbag got me good.
honestly, i gotta give him a bit of credit for creativity. fehkk. i am not normally that easily dooped. o.O

..anyway, onto monday funday. ^.^ -woke up around uuhh. whenever. lmao.. somehow ended up dropping acid and dipping to this crazy ass lo.cal in rancho secco to go paint. idk how all this happened.. i just remember dosing, getting in the car..being hella lost, having my navigation shout at us for a bit.. and eventually realizing i was at this nuclear power plant.o.O

..was pretty intense and mind fucking, but i dealt. lmao. we ended up hiking through rancho secco for a good 20 mins..
[aww fuck.. tried to continue uploading storytime pictures.. but i think i have reached some stupid limit.. so i guess ill post tinypic links.]

either way.. we hiked through this awesomesawcee for a bit.

..and eventually found this dope ass peir to drink wine on and paint. it was super perfect for tripping and being secluded. infact, i think this spot was partially built for me to do drugs on. im sure of it.

hah. but yeah. that was my bay trip.. there was also some other illegal activites (taggining/gaffiti/vandalism) but for obvi reasons i shall not post pictures of such tomfoolery. lol..

either way. this trip was perfect, and really allowed for self induglence/discovery.. and i am super fucking pumped it all worked out..

that being said.. ill leave you with this..