disynthetic

XD I wondered for a second, then figured you a.] didn't have an answer, b.] didn't feel like sharing your wind-down solutions with me or something. I was letting it go. But I'm glad you directed my attention -- worth the read indeed.

Very much with you on the go-'til-I-can't thing. And not with anything near productive, either [at the time, if you ask, fuck yes. I am going places, doing things. I should not be stopped and have hours of productivity ahead of me .. but in reality, I think I just marathon Grey's Anatomy online, watch reruns of AC360 and the rest of late-night CNN as it cycles]. The best I actually do occasionally is write something I can look back at the next day and not want to tear apart. But if penned between the hours of 2 - 5am .. it gets sketchy. Not bad, and the ideas are there, but you'd really think I did drugs.

Similarly, I watch the clock tick closer to when I need to be up in the morning. Every morning hurts more than the last, every day I fantasize about a long night of sleep, every time I crawl into bed is bliss and my body screams and begs for more the next time .. so why don't I just do this? But I can't. I can't turn off. I have flipped my entire sleep schedule this way, in increments. An hour shove at a time, and I was a night creature, going to sleep at 10am and I couldn't budge it .. for months. Had to continue the shove all the way around the clock.

I am a fairly anxious person but if I make lists, I am able to "just do" an entire list of things, and while I don't know what -you- mean about the "for other people" part .. my lists include these things also. I know what you mean about suspecting they involve selfish motives, and anyone who looks into himself has to suspect this of altruism .. I mean, it's there. It makes you feel good -- it reinforces your behavior. It's just the truth. But there's real good in it also. And yes, these things are easier to do .. and it's easier to let your own things slide. Or at least for me -- I let my necessary things slide for weeks, to the point of neglect.

Well. I think that is a tangent.

So could be your optimism-skeptic thing. But I dig it. But this is far beyond a comment. I think because I just woke up from a nap .. and have my coffee going.

Okay. Cutting a couple things short for length purposes. :/

It's not bad form necessarily. But I am long-winded to a fault and get self-conscious about it. ;/ Sometimes I have to just put my hand over my mouth.

I will return to the skipped-thought later. Or something.