it's all about the head trip. From the moment one walks through the door to the second you leave - your mind is his, and almost everything has a price tag.
not a three hole girl? I'll bet ten bucks that will change by weekend's end. he will focus on the things you can't do, and slowly pick away at that, FOCUS on that, until that obstacle is his triumph. I cringed watching this mind game - only the strong kept their foot down, but most caved because they needed the money and were in an environment where no one was going to be their defender.
it was hard to watch. it was even harder to make it your life. No furniture, no creature comforts - this was the life at the apartment. No cooking, no perishable items allowed in the refrigerator, no television - just a 24 hour work environment where it was guaranteed to have him looking over your shoulder, watching everything you did.
And kindness? that is a word they do not understand. I baked a birthday cake once for one of the people there. I got permission to do this in advance, from the person that was responsible for me. i brought the cake over, instead of it being a party i was scolded for using the oven, and no one defended me. I was crushed, i was embarrassed, and i learned quickly that kindness is not a word that they understand.
I remember once I started crying because of something that was said, and one of the people there just burst out laughing watching me cry, saying that she wasn't laughing *at* me, just that it reminded her of the first time she cried at the studio because of something someone said and that it was funny to see it happen to someone else. That's when I realized that being there does nothing but harden a person - instead of offering comfort, I was more reminiscent entertainment ... it still makes me sick to my stomach.
This is living? The rational mind screams to me, "this is the quintessential example of not living at all."
I didn't fit in, didn't fit with their philosophy, didn't fit in their lifestyle, didn't ask how high when I was told to jump.... I refused to wear the all black uniform, to listen to the daily diatribes about the government, about his paranoia, about how stupid and incompetent the world was.... the insane babblings of a mad man, an idiot savant that will ultimately be his own undoing. But still I cowered, and in doing so, I lost the mind game.
not a three hole girl? I'll bet ten bucks that will change by weekend's end. he will focus on the things you can't do, and slowly pick away at that, FOCUS on that, until that obstacle is his triumph. I cringed watching this mind game - only the strong kept their foot down, but most caved because they needed the money and were in an environment where no one was going to be their defender.
it was hard to watch. it was even harder to make it your life. No furniture, no creature comforts - this was the life at the apartment. No cooking, no perishable items allowed in the refrigerator, no television - just a 24 hour work environment where it was guaranteed to have him looking over your shoulder, watching everything you did.
And kindness? that is a word they do not understand. I baked a birthday cake once for one of the people there. I got permission to do this in advance, from the person that was responsible for me. i brought the cake over, instead of it being a party i was scolded for using the oven, and no one defended me. I was crushed, i was embarrassed, and i learned quickly that kindness is not a word that they understand.
I remember once I started crying because of something that was said, and one of the people there just burst out laughing watching me cry, saying that she wasn't laughing *at* me, just that it reminded her of the first time she cried at the studio because of something someone said and that it was funny to see it happen to someone else. That's when I realized that being there does nothing but harden a person - instead of offering comfort, I was more reminiscent entertainment ... it still makes me sick to my stomach.
This is living? The rational mind screams to me, "this is the quintessential example of not living at all."
I didn't fit in, didn't fit with their philosophy, didn't fit in their lifestyle, didn't ask how high when I was told to jump.... I refused to wear the all black uniform, to listen to the daily diatribes about the government, about his paranoia, about how stupid and incompetent the world was.... the insane babblings of a mad man, an idiot savant that will ultimately be his own undoing. But still I cowered, and in doing so, I lost the mind game.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
You say it's all about the head trip, you are exactly right...
the first night I stayed with him he earned my trust by warming up to me, relating to me and complimenting me on things that mattered like my intelligence and my knowledge of politics, philosophy and spirituality. I had never really expereinced this kind of positive feedback from another person or thought that I had such a deep mental connection with another person. Later I would learn that this is only part of his formula that he uses in a slightly different packaging for each girl to gain their trust so that he can pry the information out that he needs to really manipulate you later. He uses that information to prey on your insecurities, your most secret wants and your fears. He uses your own ego against you, building you up and then making you prove yourself over and over again, only every time you are getting worse and worse, you go from the favorite to the peice of shit slave girl wiping everyone else's ass.
There was no "beating the pain" the pain only got worse, more and more intollerable untill eventually I snapped.
He purposely pushes you and pushes you until you crack, he loves to watch you squirm and kill yourself over your failure to be inhumanely unfeeling.
And it's all on film, the embarrassment of the hardcore masochist who was broken and couldn't take it anymore, broke down and cryed like a baby begging him to stop...where's your baddass image now? I had thought I came there to be a warrior, to show how strong I was to the world, to prove myself to the "community" but there you are, humiliated, degraded and nothing.
I guess I could go on and on for ever but you guys should all check out the new documentary that I just finished that has a huge section on insex with interviews with other models and PHDs and lawyers breaking down how he has really fucked the girls up and permanently psychologically damaged them and reprogramed their brains.
www.xxxexpose.com
there is a 30 min free downloadable clip
definately look me up when you are in the area, you're a fucking riot