Today is my big sister's birthday. This is one of those days that is very difficult for me because my sister and I got separated by the state when we were 12 and 13 years old. It would be 15 years until I would see her again. Unfortunately her husband at the time and my daughter's mother hated the fact that my sister and I found each other and that we might not rely on them 100% for emotional support anymore. They spent a week doing nothing but guilt tripping us and making us believe we were not supposed to rely on anyone else but them. It's now been 14 years since I've seen her and after years of trying to find her again through every resource I have available, there is a very real possibility that she has already passed away. I may never know. What I do know is that after all the years, I've never needed my big sister more. I struggle daily to hold it together mentally and quite often have been ready to give up. I don't have anyone that is willing to listen to my feelings and those that might possibly listen, have no clue where I'm coming from. I guess for my daughter's sake I hold on but I'm getting tired and days like this, my big sister's Birthday, I'm reminded of just how tired I am. Chrissy, if you're out there somewhere, I miss you terribly and wish I had more time with you back then. I think about you every day and hope that you're getting along well and you're happy when you fall asleep at night. You were always my rock when we were little and the only one who truly understand the nightmare of a childhood we suffered at the hands of that monster. I just wish I knew what happened to you this last 14 years. I hope I find out either way.
Happy Birthday, I miss you, and I love you!
