dirty__1

So it's over...she's gone. Gabrielle's gone. it all came to a head lastnite & I called her out on it.

God dammit I have basically HATED her for this shit the last couple months..Watcing the look on her face when I told her I knew was priceless, but what came next I hadn't planned for.

As mad and as hurt as I was & still am, watching the person that I have loved for over three yrs & who sat with you everday you everyday you were in the hospital for 4 months..breakdown in front of me & tell me how much they hate themselves, that they deserve whatever they get & KNOW that they hate what they've become.... That shit's hard.

I was prepared for knockout, dragdown, screaming & yelling fight but it was just the opposite.
When she brokedown all I could do was just sit back & listen. She said she was ashamed ofherself & didn't know why she let this go on like this. She was just lonely & he was there for her. She said that if I take nothing else away from this just know that if she thought we had any chance of working out that she never would have done this....

I talked to her today b/c she forgot some stuff here & she need to bring me some stuff too. She told me he called her today & she told him I knew & that it's over. He's expecting a phone call from me. He either needs to get a divorce or cut this shit out. As much as I am pissed @ Gabrielle she really thought he would be with her & here it's been at least 4-5 months he's been saying he was gona leave his wife... So he's aware that I know & he either needs to shit or get off the pot, or I'll let his wife know. I don't know her but I know she doesn't deserve this. If his wife DOES find out the he an Gabrielle both deserve what they get...That's harsh but true..

I told Gabrielle lastnite that this is her wake-up call. It's time to get her head straight & get her life on track. I really do hope she's able to get her shit together. i hated seeing her like this. She brings it on herself though.

I think we managed to walk away on semi-okay terms. The bridge is burnt though. There's no real friendship or relationship left. It was a really long & hard goodbye but at least we were able to speak as she left. After the last of her stuff is gone then so is she. It's time to move on...I've said my goodbye's & cried my tears, so it's time to let it all go......

I think I may be MIA for a little while. I need to sort things out for awhile.


**********************UPDATE**********************

So she came & went.. She came by to get the last few things she left here.. She was supposed to be making a scrapbook for me but I asked her to bring the stuff back lastnite.. She brought it back & as I sat there going through it it just didn't feel right. I knew I didn't have it in me to sit down & make it so I gave it back to her & told her I wanted her to finish it for me...She wanted to anyway.. It's sad but after everthing she said lastnite & then the way she talked today...I don't really think she's gonna change. Jeff (the guy in question) knows that I know. I told Gabrielle to make sure let him know he breaks it off with his wife or I do it for him....

I just have a feeling that now that he has to get this divorce it's an opening for them to be together....

I sat & cried for awhile, then I got mad as hell, then I got really lonely, then mad again, then sad..... Now..now I'm just here.. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel or what I'm supposed to do..

Tonite I noticed she still left her bottle of perfume here...



**I wonder sometimes if peopleactually read these journals or if they just reply to their notes to be nice**