direchocobo

Whooooooo boy.

Things could be worse, but they could most assuredly be better.

First off, Hannah's last day at the pizza place was Saturday, so after we got off work I asked her if I could talk to her a minute. I merely told her that I didn't want to leave on bad terms. The response? "We wont then, but we can't be friends. You're just not the kind of person I want to be friends with"

Hold up now dearie, you're the one that jerked me around. Remember? More little nuggets of wisdom.

"You don't need to be in a relationship right now. You have too many issues, and no one can fix them for you. You have to do it."

Yeah, thanks for telling me what those issues were. It seems my "issues" were most assuredly confirmed as being worthwhile concerns after someone who was supposed to be a friend stabbed me square in the back. One of the main rules of guyhood is that you don't knowingly go after another dudes girl. Yet, someone I've known for years did just that, then lied to my face about it, and tried to place all the blame on the girl.

So yeah, that trust "issue" I have, is a valid concern, thanks.

"I should have never slept with you in the first place"

Woah, hold up there now missy. a) We never slept together, and b) what did happen between us was 100% mutual. You went with it as much as I did. If you didn't want it to happen, all you had to say was to stop, and I would have stopped. But no, you didn't do that. We fooled around, then went to sleep, then woke up and fooled around some more, and spent the rest of the day wrapped up together enjoying each others company, and it was perfect. No feeling of shouldn't have happened in the first place at all.

"I really hope you learned a lesson from all this"

Well now. What lesson was I supposed to learn there? Not to date coworkers? Learned that one years ago, but look what my dumb ass went and did. Not to date girls that much younger than I am? Yeah, I learned that one years ago too, but once again, look what my dumb ass went and did, because I was completely knocked off my feet by you. I went and broke my under 21 rule, because frankly, you're amazing. There are no hard feelings at all actually, just general ranting, because you're as stubborn and hardheaded as I am. Not to trust people? Yeah, I learned that one too, and relearned it again, and again, and again, and learned it one more fucking time in this situation.

Why the fuck am I addressing you anyway? You'll never goddamn read this. Jesus.

I don't know whether to take some of the things she said to heart, or to take it with a grain of salt because she's only 19. (No offense to you other whippernsappers, but I was pretty fucking retarded at that age, so I use myself as a baseline.)

There are a thousand more things I want to say to her. It's unreal. But as I told a mutual friend from work today, her and I are just alike, and thats why we couldn't get along after the "breakup" of sorts.

And regarding that: Lets see, two months of being absolutely stupid over each other, to the point people thought we were actually seeing each other, and then after one night together, you all the sudden "just don't feel it anymore". Yeah, who's the one with the hangup here?

Edit: Ya know, fuck it. Fuck you. You self centered little twat. The only person you ever gave a shit about in this situation was yourself. Don't dare try to place much blame on me. You fucked this up.

You were never worth one moment of my time, but you're so goddamn good at being fake, you sure as shit made it seem like it.

I've got issues? Fuck you cunt, you make my issues seem like a copy of Highlights for Children. You've got more issues than I could ever hope to have. You actually think I didn't pick up on that shit?

Seriously. Fuck you. What a fucking waste you were. Thanks for being a reminder of why I never bother with trying to date. Enjoy being used by Will, and whoever else. Hope that works out for you. I actually cared, and I'm the one that gets fucked over. Once again.

Anyway, not trying to sound like an emotard, but thats what I mentioned the other day.

In other news...

I just can't fuckin win! Tax returns still haven't come in. I need them so badly it's stupid due to the check bouncing fiasco earlier. And of course, since I'm in a hole a mile deep as it is, two of my roomates are moving out, and wonderfully decided not to tell me. I had to find it out on one of their Myspace pages. At least with the promotion, I can make do. The worst case scenario would be foreclosure, but, I doubt that will happen. Second worst is having the loan bought out to get out of the clause that keeps me from selling till October '07, then selling the house to one of those home buying programs, and moving back into my old apartment complex. I could always just drive for Dominos from 6-10 again, since I get off work from the warehouse at 5:00. But man, do I ever not want to do that anymore. So sick of pizza delivery.

More stuff...

I've hardly slept in days. After the whole talk with Hannah the other night, I was kind of a wreck, and even after a 9:30 AM -11:30 PM shift at the pizza place, I could not fucking sleep. I think I finally got to sleep at about 8:00 AM. Of course, a bill collector called at 8:30, then my roomates alarm went off while he wasn't home, and I could not muster the energy to get up to go in his room and shut it off.

Sleep deprivation is apparently my muse though, because I didn't get shit for sleep last night either, and I was cranking out a kickin' comic script earlier. I kind of wanted to write a comic that read like a movie, if that makes any sense. In particular, a movie like Clerks or Go. I whipped up 7 pages of dialogue and shot descriptions in about 15 minutes. Here's hoping the rest comes as easily.

Thats about all she wrote for now. Damn I need some sleeps.

Edity: And still no fuckin' Riley! Whats a brother got to do around here? Fuck that, whats a gal thats been in limbo for over a year got to do around here? Re-fuckin-diculous the way some of the girls get treated on this site.