difranco

are u leaving the situation like a man or like a child? do you feel your fingers press on keys in an order best known to them.. and wait for their words to appear on the screen? or are u in control of the automatic happenings which have been imprinted into the brain so often, they flow like consistancy. everything flows like water, this eveing, slightly topsy turvy... but we still know how its gonna end... eyes shut.. good night.

Morn
i awoke with a letter, best read words to form a slight smile at the beginning of the day. someone who didnt have to was thinking of me, and even thought to let me know. thats nice..
---
i sit here thinking, listening to the silence which seems to echo in my head. im trying to hear if i have anything to say, if those worries i did fret over are still causing oceans to panic. all i can hear is the stready breathing of my lungs.
:::
*
:::
subco-ordinating panic arouse when her legs shattered beneath the sky.
the screams of people around her, for their own lives; did little to help.
one by one she felt her bones shatter to dust, like diamond dust;
sheared off the side of a perfectly formed crystal - then it's just blown in the wind.
:::

i am no longer mourning for the death nor sight of you. it has taken its time but i am dealing, dealt with that now. it was a silly childish notion to believe a feeling could be reuinted with its creator. i was blunt, and this is the only way i know to apologise. i guess i was hurt. (but i already knew the answer).
its so much easier not really talking to you. your accent has little effect when it is in my head and not the ears. your manner and afluent joking when colliding with my mockery of other species can be duelly ignored.


*-*

"In my platforms, i hit the floor, fell face down, didn't help my brain out, then the baby came, before i had found, the magic how, to keep her happy. i never was the fantasy, of what you want, wanted me to be."