difranco

i realised today most of my actions are because i am lonely. the attention makes me feel a little less. i catch myself talking about simple things; my dreams of previous nights with people i hope might take an interest..

(i dreamt of a scene i imagined from pirates of the carribean, then swimming with people i knew as my friends till we reached a boat.. where we attempted to barter with the captain to let us stay on.. - with no avail. it ended when i was in a car and a guy on the bonnet with his face towards me some man i didnt recognise shot him, then drove the car into a pane of glass to make his death look accidental. i woke in a sweat).
i have dreamt a lot recently, i think my medication is working to an extent; but i am so sleepy all the time which is a drag.

i am in a state of progression - progression is the fix of the imagination, ever flourishing but rarely new.
Sensitivity: who decides when a person feels enough? individual mindset but surely this leaves us witha slight setback.. if we feel more than another, do they not feel enough? are we to be offended by their lack of emotions, or should we just believe they stil care the same as ourselves. envious in a slight sense of those with more settlement *nips a certain americans shoulder* but still depression is around.
i need change, a change which creates a different emotion. for this i need money to changemy place; it isnt enough just changing into new clothes for me anymore.

i am settled till tipped by stupid things. standards i have set in the past still lie firm. two days ago my ex scooby sent me a message - the older one from three years ago - made my head a little fuzzy but i am coming to understand my own way of creating closure. i have developed a faster way of dealing and making such emotions pass through to the final stage which is good.. but i still hang on to things as we all do. im talking shit i think right now.

the predicament we stand with lies in the eyes of a heart whom doesnt give enough. but one who creates a certain contentment.. what to do.. bar search and capture others for entertainment. feel bad.. or enjoy life we are we meant to?

you and i; yes a moment seperated from the second of time. me you've said, emotionless by thought... but passionate by movement. will i run away with you for ten days or more, maybe more.. you, to capture me in a smile did catch the second i loved u without question. and now i rest myself for the slaying because i know it is the only way.
i do love without a reason: i must justify everything with reason. my heart shall surely be broken by someone some day soon-why wait for the inevitable.

lets drink to love.