If you can't leave it be might as well make it bleed (I stole that one...sorry Carraba)
Buckle up fellow SG members; Im developing right now the longest blog entry of my short history here.
Why? Because it is the holidays and right now Im at my moms and I am, beyond beliefs, bored out of my mind. In fact, its not that Im really bored, its more that Im totally out of my element right now. Technically, it is my home, my roots. I left this town when I was 17 and never looked back. I came to visit at least twice a year but for reasons that I dont totally get, the more I grow older, the less I feel comfortable in here. And its not just the town itself, its my family too. There noisy, offbeat, we dont share the same universe and everyday here seems like a week in my world. I eat as much here in a day than I do in a week in Montreal and I barely over hype here, Im literally filled with junk foods and soft drinks. But why? I dont like eating that much, Im just plain depressed. Im like a dumb teenage girl whose crush is on the wrong guy.I over-eat.
Nobody gets that. My friends just assume that its a phase, like anyone with their respective family, but its not. Let me summarize my Christmas to you.
First, I arrived around 17h00 on the 23rd. I played with my kid sister (shes 9), chat with my mom, got allergic to the two stupid cats and so on. Till 23h00 that same night, I was waiting for my friends call to go out (In here, going out means playing pool, drinking cheap beer in a juice jar and eating Pizza a 3h00 in the morning.). Well, from 17h00 to 23h00 I did absolutely nothing else than sit around and eat (a meal, chocolate, chips, pop-corn, ice-cream cake, etc.). Six hours and I was already filled, bored and depressed and the holiday thing wasnt even started yet. And Im trying here not to complain, but as soon as I got out of the car I wanted to buy coke and vanish into thin air. Dont get me wrong, I never did any coke, I just felt like changing pace, fading away. Thats what my hometown does to me those days. I dont feel like myself, I dont feel welcome and I only turn to myself very abruptly.
So, that night we finally got out and I saw for the first time in many years some of the people with whom a graduated. That was WEIRD! I will sound really, really self-centered here but those people are lame, they havent changed in years. Only exception is that some girls got real fat and some dude lost their hair, but thats it. Im basically the only one who got out, went to school and did actually evolve with his life. I felt like I was 100 years old compared to those people and that really hit me. It was actually the downward spiral right there, I felt older than I really am and everything that I taught was safe, like a haven, was actually messier than my Montreal life.
You know, the worst part about going out that way is that the next morning you feel awful fat and the headache is like worst than ever. So, got up from that night, totally depressed, filled and aching from part upper than my shoulder and I have to play with my sister. Dont get me wrong, I totally love my sister and its Christmas eve, I know I have to play with here but that particular morning, all I felt like doing was staying in bed complaining about the world. Nevertheless, I got up, drank some crappy coffee because there is no way in hell that my hometown will try and get in touch with real coffee (My kingdom for a Bagel, damnit), and played with my sister while watching the Muppets Christmas Carol.
Actually, thats the best fuckin part of my holidays, spending the morning with my kid sister while my mom was sleeping. But as soon as my mom is up, Im down. She always yells, her throat is aching like crazy and she still yells. Day in day out, she yells and she is the only person in the world who can make me yell as well. I never ever raise my voice with anyone else but her; within 5 minutes she can get on my nerve and push the right buttons for me the yell. So far, I havent lost my temper but I can feel it, I will snap if I dont get out of here sooner or later. I go out and take walks, I never take any walks I just need some space but she dont get that. She also dont get that her addiction to every possible addictive thing in the world is making me crazy, but thats another story.
Im lost in my own story Back to the 24th, family meal. Me, my kid sister, my mom and my two grand-parentsthats it. Since the whole thing was not planned, my mom got some KFC and we ate while watching TV and afterward we opened the gifts. Right there, do I need to point you I lame this is? Nobody really speaks, all I do is listen to my mom and my grand-mother fight over any possible subject, including the size of the chicken pieces in the bucket. Its so redundant that I dont listen anymore, I comfort myself by playing in my sisters hair. Thats all can do in those time, I feel like a fuckin child and I turn to my sister who is an actual child and I dont talk, I dont listen, I just wait for the end of it. Thats what I hate about this whole holiday thing, I feel like a 10 year old again and I was more lost and depressed at that age that I am right now. Waiting for it to pastthat could very well be the title of my first book.
Anyway, the 24th end pretty early, 9h30 I was back at my moms and I fell asleep watching some John Cassavetes flick.
Buckle up fellow SG members; Im developing right now the longest blog entry of my short history here.
Why? Because it is the holidays and right now Im at my moms and I am, beyond beliefs, bored out of my mind. In fact, its not that Im really bored, its more that Im totally out of my element right now. Technically, it is my home, my roots. I left this town when I was 17 and never looked back. I came to visit at least twice a year but for reasons that I dont totally get, the more I grow older, the less I feel comfortable in here. And its not just the town itself, its my family too. There noisy, offbeat, we dont share the same universe and everyday here seems like a week in my world. I eat as much here in a day than I do in a week in Montreal and I barely over hype here, Im literally filled with junk foods and soft drinks. But why? I dont like eating that much, Im just plain depressed. Im like a dumb teenage girl whose crush is on the wrong guy.I over-eat.
Nobody gets that. My friends just assume that its a phase, like anyone with their respective family, but its not. Let me summarize my Christmas to you.
First, I arrived around 17h00 on the 23rd. I played with my kid sister (shes 9), chat with my mom, got allergic to the two stupid cats and so on. Till 23h00 that same night, I was waiting for my friends call to go out (In here, going out means playing pool, drinking cheap beer in a juice jar and eating Pizza a 3h00 in the morning.). Well, from 17h00 to 23h00 I did absolutely nothing else than sit around and eat (a meal, chocolate, chips, pop-corn, ice-cream cake, etc.). Six hours and I was already filled, bored and depressed and the holiday thing wasnt even started yet. And Im trying here not to complain, but as soon as I got out of the car I wanted to buy coke and vanish into thin air. Dont get me wrong, I never did any coke, I just felt like changing pace, fading away. Thats what my hometown does to me those days. I dont feel like myself, I dont feel welcome and I only turn to myself very abruptly.
So, that night we finally got out and I saw for the first time in many years some of the people with whom a graduated. That was WEIRD! I will sound really, really self-centered here but those people are lame, they havent changed in years. Only exception is that some girls got real fat and some dude lost their hair, but thats it. Im basically the only one who got out, went to school and did actually evolve with his life. I felt like I was 100 years old compared to those people and that really hit me. It was actually the downward spiral right there, I felt older than I really am and everything that I taught was safe, like a haven, was actually messier than my Montreal life.
You know, the worst part about going out that way is that the next morning you feel awful fat and the headache is like worst than ever. So, got up from that night, totally depressed, filled and aching from part upper than my shoulder and I have to play with my sister. Dont get me wrong, I totally love my sister and its Christmas eve, I know I have to play with here but that particular morning, all I felt like doing was staying in bed complaining about the world. Nevertheless, I got up, drank some crappy coffee because there is no way in hell that my hometown will try and get in touch with real coffee (My kingdom for a Bagel, damnit), and played with my sister while watching the Muppets Christmas Carol.
Actually, thats the best fuckin part of my holidays, spending the morning with my kid sister while my mom was sleeping. But as soon as my mom is up, Im down. She always yells, her throat is aching like crazy and she still yells. Day in day out, she yells and she is the only person in the world who can make me yell as well. I never ever raise my voice with anyone else but her; within 5 minutes she can get on my nerve and push the right buttons for me the yell. So far, I havent lost my temper but I can feel it, I will snap if I dont get out of here sooner or later. I go out and take walks, I never take any walks I just need some space but she dont get that. She also dont get that her addiction to every possible addictive thing in the world is making me crazy, but thats another story.
Im lost in my own story Back to the 24th, family meal. Me, my kid sister, my mom and my two grand-parentsthats it. Since the whole thing was not planned, my mom got some KFC and we ate while watching TV and afterward we opened the gifts. Right there, do I need to point you I lame this is? Nobody really speaks, all I do is listen to my mom and my grand-mother fight over any possible subject, including the size of the chicken pieces in the bucket. Its so redundant that I dont listen anymore, I comfort myself by playing in my sisters hair. Thats all can do in those time, I feel like a fuckin child and I turn to my sister who is an actual child and I dont talk, I dont listen, I just wait for the end of it. Thats what I hate about this whole holiday thing, I feel like a 10 year old again and I was more lost and depressed at that age that I am right now. Waiting for it to pastthat could very well be the title of my first book.
Anyway, the 24th end pretty early, 9h30 I was back at my moms and I fell asleep watching some John Cassavetes flick.
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And for a guy so concerned about his health, you'd think he'd have more of a life worth hanging onto. Instead, he's Boring Guy!