dicklasalle

Yeah. Holidays are over. Celebrations are over. Now's the time when the dust settles, and you start to look around and take stock of things. I hate doing that. It's such a cliche, but I can't help myself.
I'm just going over and over in my head all the things I keep telling myself that I want to change. All the things I keep putting off. Even though I did a lot to improve myself and my life over the last year, I know I am so far away from where I want to be - hell - so far from where I know I SHOULD be. I don't know if I'll ever get there. I just sometimes don't know how I'll ever get it all together. It's just so easy to do the same old thing every day, to make yourself believe that you are doing something useful. All the while, time is passing, and you're really just sitting in the same old place. Only thing is, you don't want to be in the same old place.
I'm real good at saying that I'm not satisfied with myself. I'm fantastic at knowing that I don't want to live like this forver. I just can't seem to figure out how to change directions. I guess that's why I'm writing this down. Regardless of who, if anyone, will ever read this, I think I just need to put these thoughts out there in front of me so that they will seem more real, and not just something rattling around in that cavernous void that is my head.
It's so bloody easy to focus on the problem. I just wish I could find a way to focus on the solution. Preferably before I run out of time. The older I get, the more it hits home that time is so fleeting, so easily wasted. I just need to start doing something, instead of thinking about why nothing is happening. I wonder if there is a ladder tall enough to help me climb out of my rut.