When Will Tom and Katie Wed?
I care about this. No, for real.
On my list of "Most Important Things Ever", celebrity relationships ranks right up there with Impending Death and breathing. Of course, being that I am Master of All Things, I will accurately predict not only when they will marry, but how long the marriage will last.
Despite the constant crying from Ms. Holmes because she is obviously as stable as a cube of pure sodium and considering that Tom Cruise may eventually come back down to reality, I suspect that they will get married two days ago. Yep, two days ago. This is complicated for you stupid non-time traveling Earthlings, but they have L. Ron Hubbard's mystical powers assisting them, so this is entirely feasible.
As for the duration, this is easy. Precisely one year from two days ago, the two will go on vacation to celebrate their first full year of marraige. A romantic trip in Cruise's private jet that I am sure he has will become quite unromantic when they begin plummeting into the Rocky Mountains at an alarming rate because of reasons unknown to all, but I assure you I will have had nothing to do with it. I can be sure because I was there, or will be there rather. Well, I was there and I shall be there again... over your stupid heads. Anyway...
The heat from the tremendous explosion will caramelize the two alongside the mountain. The fire from the jet fuel will heat the mountain up so much that a good portion of the slope will turn into a thick tar that consumes them as they lie holding hands. Since the tar will completely engulf them, their bodies will remain intact and preserved.
Thus, to answer this fucking question, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will be married for eternity.
You are welcome.
I care about this. No, for real.
On my list of "Most Important Things Ever", celebrity relationships ranks right up there with Impending Death and breathing. Of course, being that I am Master of All Things, I will accurately predict not only when they will marry, but how long the marriage will last.
Despite the constant crying from Ms. Holmes because she is obviously as stable as a cube of pure sodium and considering that Tom Cruise may eventually come back down to reality, I suspect that they will get married two days ago. Yep, two days ago. This is complicated for you stupid non-time traveling Earthlings, but they have L. Ron Hubbard's mystical powers assisting them, so this is entirely feasible.
As for the duration, this is easy. Precisely one year from two days ago, the two will go on vacation to celebrate their first full year of marraige. A romantic trip in Cruise's private jet that I am sure he has will become quite unromantic when they begin plummeting into the Rocky Mountains at an alarming rate because of reasons unknown to all, but I assure you I will have had nothing to do with it. I can be sure because I was there, or will be there rather. Well, I was there and I shall be there again... over your stupid heads. Anyway...
The heat from the tremendous explosion will caramelize the two alongside the mountain. The fire from the jet fuel will heat the mountain up so much that a good portion of the slope will turn into a thick tar that consumes them as they lie holding hands. Since the tar will completely engulf them, their bodies will remain intact and preserved.
Thus, to answer this fucking question, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will be married for eternity.
You are welcome.
I haven't been able to prove this yet as the mathmatics of the whole thing seems to be quite daunting , but apparently on the first day that Tom & Katie were married they had already been married for 23 years . When Katie gave birth later that day it was to five babies , two of which were forty five years old at birth (THAT was a tough labor ) . They then spontaneously warped into the future where Katie exposed the president of the United Planets of Earthica as a highly advanced organic robot with plans of destroying the human race , while Tom beat Marty McFly in a hoverboard race . After that was completed they spontaneously warped back to an alternate dimensional Earth where they were worshipped as the Gods of Insanity and ruled for a thousand years . On the second day they were married they got divorced .