where to begin....
i just got back from philadelphia today and i am a horrific wreck. i am so depressed...everything feels bleak...everything feels hopeless....everything feels agonizing. moving is impossible, i feel so slowed down and heavy. but mentally....my mind is agitated and nervous and angry and out of my control and i am just so tired.
i broke down in the airport today. i cried on the plane all the way home.
i don't cry.
i don't cry in public.
i just could not stop the tears. i can't muster up anything positive down here and all these dark horrid morbid thoughts are racing through my mind and i don't know how i will have the strength to get up tomorrow.
i can't concentrate on anything but i want to focus on something, anything to take my mind off the pain.
i am so sad. i felt like i was sending myself into dark cold exile far away from my friends and family again today to a place where i have no time for anything but work.
and i am so mad at myself for being weak. i chose this path and i feel like i am not deserving of being saddened or upset by the loss of everything dear to me.
all i can do as i write this is cry. please someone make it stop make it stop make it stop i can't live like this
i just got back from philadelphia today and i am a horrific wreck. i am so depressed...everything feels bleak...everything feels hopeless....everything feels agonizing. moving is impossible, i feel so slowed down and heavy. but mentally....my mind is agitated and nervous and angry and out of my control and i am just so tired.
i broke down in the airport today. i cried on the plane all the way home.
i don't cry.
i don't cry in public.
i just could not stop the tears. i can't muster up anything positive down here and all these dark horrid morbid thoughts are racing through my mind and i don't know how i will have the strength to get up tomorrow.
i can't concentrate on anything but i want to focus on something, anything to take my mind off the pain.
i am so sad. i felt like i was sending myself into dark cold exile far away from my friends and family again today to a place where i have no time for anything but work.
and i am so mad at myself for being weak. i chose this path and i feel like i am not deserving of being saddened or upset by the loss of everything dear to me.
all i can do as i write this is cry. please someone make it stop make it stop make it stop i can't live like this