dezzie

Sex, copulation, fornication, it is what drives the majority of animate beings. Procreation being the ultimate goal. Different beings do so in different way, and as far as we know, only a couple of the estimated 2 to 10 million species on Earth, do it to get their jollies off. Humans, some species of monkeys, and dolphins, possibly more. Seems a little more than a coincidence that many of the more intelligent species copulate for fun along with the animistic need of driving on their species.
It also seems that in the species of animals that have sexual desire that is rooted in self satisfaction rather than procreation, sex seems to complicate some things. Depending on the nature of the animal, social structures can affect and influence the copulation process. With humans, things like moral change have a lot to do with sustaining or changing the sexual environment. Like the Bonobos, the accepted ideas of sexuality change from tribe to tribe. Some Bonobo monkeys are so confident in their mates that both male and female are able to reproduce with more than one mate, and still return to each other to raise their offspring together. It can be theorized that these monkeys depend on each other, and their mates, more than humans do, because of their size. They are cute little monkeys, and only about as tall as your knee, and because of that they are exceptionally vulnerable to outside predators and attacks. Who's to say that if we had outside threats like that, maybe humans would lean towards procreation with one main mate, and if the possibility arises, more than one.
In the beautiful, and tainted society we have created for ourselves, things are a little different. Luckily, we don't really have to worry about our offspring being dragged off into the horizon by lions, and the threats we do have are managed, thus our offspring survival rate is more stable than that of the Bonobos. Our food is more attainable, and by the gross, so our children tend to be well fed. Not to mention medical science that gives babies that would be doomed in nature the chance to survive. This society in all of it's grandeur, helps us to raise our offspring more efficiently, given that doesn't always happen, but we live in a society where family and children can live, fairly comfortably, and more often than not, survive.
Though this social structure has helped out children's survival rate, and inadvertently caused the over population of this Earth, it has some very different effects, so powerful they influence entire periods of human history. When a species is monogomous, you can see it. Males, in nature, are usually much bigger in stature compared to their female counterparts. In our species, that has changed. Women have become more similar in stature to men, at least for the most part. This fact is indicative of our species general acceptance of monogamy. Our social structure and idea of sex has directly inspired periods like the Victorian era, and our more free sense of sexuality that we have today.
This is where we get to the dreaded Madonna-whore dichotomy, which was founded on this basic observation: If available females differ in their promiscuity, and the more promiscuous ones tend to make less faithful wives, natural selection might incline men to discriminate accordingly. One can imagine courtship as, amoung other things, a process of placing women in one category or another. Of coarse, in the case of any particular woman, sexual eagerness may not mean that she'll always be an easy seduction; maybe she just finds a certain type of man, or even one single man, irresistible. Just to add a trifle more ruthlessness to this strategy: the male may encourage early sexual relations, for which he will ultimately punish the woman.
The Madonna-whore dichotomy has long been dismissed as an aberration, another pathological product of Western culture. In particular, the Victorians, with their extraordinary emphasis on virginity and their professed disdain for illicit sex, are held responsible for nourishing, and even inventing the pathology, and it still to this day, holds on tightly to our social ideas, and general practices. In real life women are neither fast, nor slow; they are humans. And human behavior is impossible to predict.
That brings us to a social structure within the ideas of old, the idea that if a man sleeps with many women, he is a stud. If a woman sleeps with many (and in some cases, even a few) she is a slut. Double standards are prominent in our society, especially those suffered by women. Any way you want to dress it up, our society is slanted. This is what I struggle with understanding, men and women are dependent on each other for reproduction. How is it, in a society that tries so hard to embrace monogamy that there is such social inequalities? Given, every day there are steps made toward equality, but we are far from where we should be. I understand that some of the objectifying standards held for women are slowly loosing their momentum, but many still invest in these injustices, both women and men alike.
Many people in the Victorian period thought that their social structure provided a sense of respect for women. Though now, we understand that it was more of a objectifying and dehumanizing type of respect. There was respect for their sexual restraint, not for the actual woman, for she was more of the sexual conquest because of her sexual restraint.
Women are far from innocent in the fabrication and eventual embrace of this hurtful system. Like humans always have, men and women play off of each other. In darker times of my life I dabbled in books that word for word described how to be wife potential, and the majority of the information was saturated in the Madonna-whore dichotomy. In a sense, some women objectify themselves, and the men they wish to attain. When a woman chases after a man's money trail it is just as hurtful as when a man chases a sexual reserved woman. These actions influence what all parties involve see as deserving properties. Especially in reproduction. When I was a kid my grandmother always used to tell me that I was to go to college to find a wealthy man, to have children with, so I wouldn't have to work. Thanks in part to my strong incredibly resilient mother, I payed the advice no mind. I see it, often, a woman with a man, the only motivation to continue th relationship, or even begin one in the first place was driven by his wallet, not his mind. Sounds like that would be just a hurtful to a man, as it is for a woman to be only a sexual conquest or fuck buddy. Still, not many people bring up the fact that this social structure can be hurtful to men, and detrimental to their self worth.
Every human is an individual, and I think that understanding is what is so desperately needed to bury the Madonna-whore dichotomy. There are infinite factors that aid us in making decisions. Mutual communication, and legitimate respect are vital in the relaying of information. Too many relationships are damaged, sometimes permanently by backwash. Because a woman has been hurt by a man, all men are douche-bags. Because a woman hurt a man, all women are sluts. Now, please remember that this is a very general observation. If individuality would have been headed, these relationships may have turned out very differently.
Frustrating, really. A cycle, of sorts. Mutual misunderstanding has put us in quite the sticky of situations.
Why can't we all just be like the bonobos. They live in fairly large groups, were respect is evident, and though they are less monogamous than their hairless large and often irrational counterparts, they seem to understand that all of the members of their monkey tribe will do as they see fit, and live whatever life they chose, and screw whoever they want, but that's no reason to shun, hate, or disown them. True, one male monkey may have gotten down with two other females, but that doesn't mean that he beats his main monkey's baby momma is she were to do the same. It's mutual respect and mutual understanding.
We have accomplished so much. With the power of thought, we have been able to peer back to a brief moment after the beginning of the universe. We have terminated diseases that killed thousands. Maybe we can start paying women the same as men for working at Wal-Mart.