I'm... troubled. I'm waiting to go out to dinner with the fam. Brother's birthday, woo hoo 'n such. Free delicious food is unfortunately not the problem.
The problem is... and here's where I show my girly, emotion-feeling stupid insides that refuse to die no matter how much I drink... I'm missing someone. Someone that I know doesn't miss me and most likely hasn't thought of me meaningfully in ages and is perfectly okay with that. I hate him for that. I hate him in general because that is the only safe feeling for me to have towards him besides apathy, which I am apparently not capable of today. I am not a robot. Once I let someone in, they're there in one way or another for good unless they REALLY intentionally betray me with the intention of hurting me, like say becoming a Mormon or trying to make me go vegan. But at the same time, I'm not an idiot. I know some people have no idea how to be human, how to interact with people in a successful way, how to be loved or love someone back... wow that sounded gay... but you know what I'm getting at. I ain't about to call the fool cause HE BLEW IT! I'd set myself up for pain and constant disappointment I don't want and I really don't want to do that thank you. Letting him know I still care about him is more than he deserves from me. If he ever asked, I'd tell him truthfully "yes, you fuck tard!" but he never will so it doesn't really matter anyway.
It'll pass and I'll be fine and it doesn't mean anything I know it just hurts and makes me sad that things are the way they are and all that stupid crap.
Fuck...
The problem is... and here's where I show my girly, emotion-feeling stupid insides that refuse to die no matter how much I drink... I'm missing someone. Someone that I know doesn't miss me and most likely hasn't thought of me meaningfully in ages and is perfectly okay with that. I hate him for that. I hate him in general because that is the only safe feeling for me to have towards him besides apathy, which I am apparently not capable of today. I am not a robot. Once I let someone in, they're there in one way or another for good unless they REALLY intentionally betray me with the intention of hurting me, like say becoming a Mormon or trying to make me go vegan. But at the same time, I'm not an idiot. I know some people have no idea how to be human, how to interact with people in a successful way, how to be loved or love someone back... wow that sounded gay... but you know what I'm getting at. I ain't about to call the fool cause HE BLEW IT! I'd set myself up for pain and constant disappointment I don't want and I really don't want to do that thank you. Letting him know I still care about him is more than he deserves from me. If he ever asked, I'd tell him truthfully "yes, you fuck tard!" but he never will so it doesn't really matter anyway.
It'll pass and I'll be fine and it doesn't mean anything I know it just hurts and makes me sad that things are the way they are and all that stupid crap.
Fuck...
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I often think of Zombii's comment of when the end of the world comes and there is only people who listen to cool music are either vikings or Pirates, and I am like Marcelles Wallace in Pulp Fiction, I will have Stripper polls everywhere, with good music Everyone drinks and makes marry, and slices there is cherry and Rubarb pie.