Sometimes I go back and read blogs posted by myself in the time known as the past and just cringe. Thats all I will say on that.
I have been suffering from a supreme lack of motivation and drive lately. Especially when it comes to work. I stay up late, wake up late and do the bare minimum as to make it look like I am working. I'm a sales rep so its not that hard to do. I'm on my number so that makes it even easier. I was in Barnes and Noble tonight and even bought one of those business books that promises to show disenchanted young professionals (like myself) the way to fulfilment in working for themselves. I'll let you know how that one goes. At least it was only 14 bucks.
For the last year or so, I have had the irrepressible desire to just 'go'. The fact that I spend way too much time reading other people's stories of 'going' on advrider.com isn't helping my affliction either. At this point in my life the only two things that keep my attention are motorcycles and pictures. Usually involving motorcycles. Well that and PSFB. I'm pretty certain that this desire to 'go' is linked to the fact that right now things aren't going exaclty perfect. As I eluded to in the previous paragraph, I hate my job. Totally unfullfiling and unchallenging. Jim Rome would give my job the triple U (unoriginal, uninspired and unfunny) and I would be blocked. Also, the fact that my mom is fighting cancer right now really ups my desire to get the fuck out. As selfish as this is, and believe me, I know its selfish, I just dont want to deal with it anymore (imgaine how she feels, right?). I love my mom with all my heart but all the worry is really starting to wear me out.
She was diagnosed in 2004 with Breast Cancer, had a double masectomy, underwent chemo and beat it, So we thought. It came back a bit more aggresively in her lymph nodes so she went back on chemo and herceptin and was doing very well. So we thought. In September of this year I got a call from my dad informing me that mom had a tumor on her brain and was undergoing surgery in a few days. Fuck. So I flew home to MN to be with the family during the surgery. That brings us up to right now. Mom recovered from the surgery but now I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have this sense of dread that I just cant shake. As well as some really horible thoughts that I dont care to repeat. It fucking sucks. I know I'm not the first person in history to deal with a family member with cancer but fuck, that doesnt make it any easier. It kills me to see my mom like this. Kills me.
So back to my original point. I have a very, very deep rooted wanderlust. Not really sure where it comes from but its there. Too long in any one place and I get antsy. Very antsy. The only thing I really want to do right now is ride my motorcycle and take pictures. If I could parlay that into something that paid my bills, I'd be right as rain. See North America and take pictures. Tell funny, witty, inspiring stories about my adventures and the people I meet. That would be the life. I'm pretty much a loner and would relish the solo miles. Nothing to do but take in the world though my eyes, ears and nose, and think. Just think. You know the one thing that worries me? That I would never stop. Ever. I think it would be too easy to just keep going. And going. Just 'go'.
So thats whats on my mind tonight. Back to advrider.com for me.
I have been suffering from a supreme lack of motivation and drive lately. Especially when it comes to work. I stay up late, wake up late and do the bare minimum as to make it look like I am working. I'm a sales rep so its not that hard to do. I'm on my number so that makes it even easier. I was in Barnes and Noble tonight and even bought one of those business books that promises to show disenchanted young professionals (like myself) the way to fulfilment in working for themselves. I'll let you know how that one goes. At least it was only 14 bucks.
For the last year or so, I have had the irrepressible desire to just 'go'. The fact that I spend way too much time reading other people's stories of 'going' on advrider.com isn't helping my affliction either. At this point in my life the only two things that keep my attention are motorcycles and pictures. Usually involving motorcycles. Well that and PSFB. I'm pretty certain that this desire to 'go' is linked to the fact that right now things aren't going exaclty perfect. As I eluded to in the previous paragraph, I hate my job. Totally unfullfiling and unchallenging. Jim Rome would give my job the triple U (unoriginal, uninspired and unfunny) and I would be blocked. Also, the fact that my mom is fighting cancer right now really ups my desire to get the fuck out. As selfish as this is, and believe me, I know its selfish, I just dont want to deal with it anymore (imgaine how she feels, right?). I love my mom with all my heart but all the worry is really starting to wear me out.
She was diagnosed in 2004 with Breast Cancer, had a double masectomy, underwent chemo and beat it, So we thought. It came back a bit more aggresively in her lymph nodes so she went back on chemo and herceptin and was doing very well. So we thought. In September of this year I got a call from my dad informing me that mom had a tumor on her brain and was undergoing surgery in a few days. Fuck. So I flew home to MN to be with the family during the surgery. That brings us up to right now. Mom recovered from the surgery but now I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have this sense of dread that I just cant shake. As well as some really horible thoughts that I dont care to repeat. It fucking sucks. I know I'm not the first person in history to deal with a family member with cancer but fuck, that doesnt make it any easier. It kills me to see my mom like this. Kills me.
So back to my original point. I have a very, very deep rooted wanderlust. Not really sure where it comes from but its there. Too long in any one place and I get antsy. Very antsy. The only thing I really want to do right now is ride my motorcycle and take pictures. If I could parlay that into something that paid my bills, I'd be right as rain. See North America and take pictures. Tell funny, witty, inspiring stories about my adventures and the people I meet. That would be the life. I'm pretty much a loner and would relish the solo miles. Nothing to do but take in the world though my eyes, ears and nose, and think. Just think. You know the one thing that worries me? That I would never stop. Ever. I think it would be too easy to just keep going. And going. Just 'go'.
So thats whats on my mind tonight. Back to advrider.com for me.
mab:
hi 