A little over a year ago, I lived out of my car. Went out every single night and got drunk. I knew everyone, crashed on random couches, went on spontaneous road trips with people I barely knew. I was wherever there were plenty of people. Now I'm settled in. A little more mature. But I've become a total recluse. My anxiety has me stuck at home, scared to interact with people. I don't know what's wrong with me :/
When I'm ordering food in a drive thru and the person seems to get irritated when I misunderstand them, I get panicky. My heart rate rises, I can't think straight. I just want to drive off and give up.
When I'm in a long line at the gas station to get munchies for everyone, and everyone else looks like they are in a hurry to get somewhere, I just want to put everything back and go to another store because I feel like they are all staring at me like I'm in the way. Wasting their time because my buddies are stoned and need chips, gummy bears, sodas, and beef jerky.
I had a panic attack at a truck stop in that exact situation recently.
Why the fuck should I care what these random people think? I know it's dumb, but I can't help what it does to me.
My only chick friend, who I'm SUPER close with, lives with me now, and I've even found myself trying to hide from her at times. Pretending to go take a nap and hiding in my room to watch TV alone. Just being near anyone besides my guy makes me tense. Even with my closest friends.
But when my guy says something sarcastic about something I'm self conscious or anxious about, I always take it to heart. I know it's just sarcasm, but I still get really upset and hide alone in my room until I've convinced myself that everything isn't as bad as I made it in my head, then I just start beating up on myself for being so silly, and then I'm scared I'll lose my friends because of my anxiety. I'm always scared they are going to give up on me at any second. It's just a vicious cycle of worry and fear until I either sleep it off or drug myself up to calm myself down.
I've never met anyone that deals with anxiety, nor have I ever been treated, so I apologize if this topic is redundant. I just want to know if anyone else feels that way, and I want to know what I can do about it. I want to help myself without having to turn to drugs.
When I'm ordering food in a drive thru and the person seems to get irritated when I misunderstand them, I get panicky. My heart rate rises, I can't think straight. I just want to drive off and give up.
When I'm in a long line at the gas station to get munchies for everyone, and everyone else looks like they are in a hurry to get somewhere, I just want to put everything back and go to another store because I feel like they are all staring at me like I'm in the way. Wasting their time because my buddies are stoned and need chips, gummy bears, sodas, and beef jerky.
I had a panic attack at a truck stop in that exact situation recently.
Why the fuck should I care what these random people think? I know it's dumb, but I can't help what it does to me.
My only chick friend, who I'm SUPER close with, lives with me now, and I've even found myself trying to hide from her at times. Pretending to go take a nap and hiding in my room to watch TV alone. Just being near anyone besides my guy makes me tense. Even with my closest friends.
But when my guy says something sarcastic about something I'm self conscious or anxious about, I always take it to heart. I know it's just sarcasm, but I still get really upset and hide alone in my room until I've convinced myself that everything isn't as bad as I made it in my head, then I just start beating up on myself for being so silly, and then I'm scared I'll lose my friends because of my anxiety. I'm always scared they are going to give up on me at any second. It's just a vicious cycle of worry and fear until I either sleep it off or drug myself up to calm myself down.
I've never met anyone that deals with anxiety, nor have I ever been treated, so I apologize if this topic is redundant. I just want to know if anyone else feels that way, and I want to know what I can do about it. I want to help myself without having to turn to drugs.
there is an "Anxiety and Phobia" group on SG (under Health) and also Pain-Fatigue-Illness group - and one on depression - I'd say contact those group leaders and see about joining.