devilish

feb 07, 2005


so im here in germany. i havent talked to my family in god knows how long. my soon to be ex husband is in the states to see his family before he deploys. the only thing i have right now to keep me sane through the whole thing is mel. i sometimes wonder how i got here, and i come up with no answers. ill never understand how someone i loved could do what he did to me. use me and abuse me. i was a puppet on a shelf for him and i wont do it anymore. there is no such thing as a happy ending anymore. the fairy tales i grew up to were all let downs and lies. for the next year ill wear a smile and act like im ok with what is going on... but i know, im going to have to fight like hell to get my life back.

" i look at you and i dont know who you are anymore. i love the man you used to be i hate the man you have become"

"as i see your smile flash my way i want nothing more then to feel you, if only for a little while"

will these thoughts ever go away... i pray for time to quickly pass and heal me...