First and foremost I have to apologize for my friends on here that I've been neglecting. I've been trying to stay away from here a bit, just to get my mind in order. I've been doing alot of reflecting, contemplating and theorizing lately. I'm trying to decided which direction I want my life to go in. Not necessarily what my mind is telling me to do, but what my heart is telling me to do. That is a REALLY hard thing to figure out sometimes....what your heart is telling you to do. Everyone says to do this, but it is much easier SAID than done.
I've been doing alot of reading lately in order to hopefully better myself. Alot of self-help type books, how you're upbringing affects what kind of person you are, feminist studies, psychology and whatnot. Not to say that these authors are always right about these things, but it's good to get different perspectives and try to figure out what is truth and what is nonsense, ya know?
I haven't gone out much lately, which kinda sucks, but I've had a cold that doesn't seem to want to go away, along with the fact that I've been feeling pretty run down, tired and stressed lately. I could REALLY use a good massage, or a good night of laughs. I've been pretty detached lately from the people I work with, and the other people in my life. Everyone gets on my nerves lately. I feel like I KNOW more than all of them, but then again, they all seem happier than me. Are they faking it?
Work has been CRAZY busy. I just got a raise, which is nice, but hasn't really made me feel better about life. I need to make a change. I keep saying it, but now I really feel like it's REALLY what I need to do. This job is not as challenging or engaging as it once was. I know what I have to offer as a person, and think I'm underappreciated where I'm at. I think it's about time I look for something different. Something more PROGRESSIVE. I don't want to stay stagnant like so many people end up doing. I'm 25. Life ain't getting any shorter. I've also been speculating leaving my boyfriend. This would explain the occassional cryptic journals I have posted alluding to "making a change." Not that he is bad guy, it's just not healthy. But as of yet, I haven't found the strength to do it. It's a tough thing to do, especially when you've never been alone.
So alot of fantasizing has been going on in my head, along with alot of frustration. I constantly find myself wondering if I'm simply in fantasyland. Am I just having the "grass is greener..." syndrome, and in reality, things aren't much better on the other side?? Anyway, these are the constant mind games I play with myself but I guess the only way to find out is just to take a risk.
I write this, not cuzz I want any advice or pity or whatever, but merely because I feel like venting a bit. So please, don't try to give me any advice about my job, or my relationship or whatever. (No one usually responds to the long journals anyway. haha) Although I appreciate the gesture, it is ultimately my decision to make. I get rather embarassed by that sorta thing anyway. People are trying to give me advice left and right. It's sounds so easy, until you're the one taking matters into your own hands.
Lately I've been really frustrated by these women who are so preoccupied with money and the idea of finding a man with money, as if it is the solution to all of their problems. But although I think it's fucking ridiculous, I find that money is the root of all my frustrations lately. I will say it again and again.....Money is an EVIL thing. Everyone I work with is so caught up in it. It's GROSS. I, on the other hand, am searching for something deeper.
I WONDER.... Is true love just a fantasy? You know, real love, as in the ridiculously romantic kind? The kind that doesn't fade after a couple years, but lasts and lasts and lasts? The kind where the sex (or the build up to sex) is always new and exciting? I hear about it sometimes ... LOTS of people claim to have it ... But are they lying? ... Are they mistaking it for something else? ... Maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be ... Maybe it's just a MARKETING tooL ... Who knows! All I know is, I gotta find out.
I've been doing alot of reading lately in order to hopefully better myself. Alot of self-help type books, how you're upbringing affects what kind of person you are, feminist studies, psychology and whatnot. Not to say that these authors are always right about these things, but it's good to get different perspectives and try to figure out what is truth and what is nonsense, ya know?
I haven't gone out much lately, which kinda sucks, but I've had a cold that doesn't seem to want to go away, along with the fact that I've been feeling pretty run down, tired and stressed lately. I could REALLY use a good massage, or a good night of laughs. I've been pretty detached lately from the people I work with, and the other people in my life. Everyone gets on my nerves lately. I feel like I KNOW more than all of them, but then again, they all seem happier than me. Are they faking it?
Work has been CRAZY busy. I just got a raise, which is nice, but hasn't really made me feel better about life. I need to make a change. I keep saying it, but now I really feel like it's REALLY what I need to do. This job is not as challenging or engaging as it once was. I know what I have to offer as a person, and think I'm underappreciated where I'm at. I think it's about time I look for something different. Something more PROGRESSIVE. I don't want to stay stagnant like so many people end up doing. I'm 25. Life ain't getting any shorter. I've also been speculating leaving my boyfriend. This would explain the occassional cryptic journals I have posted alluding to "making a change." Not that he is bad guy, it's just not healthy. But as of yet, I haven't found the strength to do it. It's a tough thing to do, especially when you've never been alone.
So alot of fantasizing has been going on in my head, along with alot of frustration. I constantly find myself wondering if I'm simply in fantasyland. Am I just having the "grass is greener..." syndrome, and in reality, things aren't much better on the other side?? Anyway, these are the constant mind games I play with myself but I guess the only way to find out is just to take a risk.
I write this, not cuzz I want any advice or pity or whatever, but merely because I feel like venting a bit. So please, don't try to give me any advice about my job, or my relationship or whatever. (No one usually responds to the long journals anyway. haha) Although I appreciate the gesture, it is ultimately my decision to make. I get rather embarassed by that sorta thing anyway. People are trying to give me advice left and right. It's sounds so easy, until you're the one taking matters into your own hands.
Lately I've been really frustrated by these women who are so preoccupied with money and the idea of finding a man with money, as if it is the solution to all of their problems. But although I think it's fucking ridiculous, I find that money is the root of all my frustrations lately. I will say it again and again.....Money is an EVIL thing. Everyone I work with is so caught up in it. It's GROSS. I, on the other hand, am searching for something deeper.
I WONDER.... Is true love just a fantasy? You know, real love, as in the ridiculously romantic kind? The kind that doesn't fade after a couple years, but lasts and lasts and lasts? The kind where the sex (or the build up to sex) is always new and exciting? I hear about it sometimes ... LOTS of people claim to have it ... But are they lying? ... Are they mistaking it for something else? ... Maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be ... Maybe it's just a MARKETING tooL ... Who knows! All I know is, I gotta find out.
VIEW 25 of 28 COMMENTS
sillyzebra:
that was fun .....
laputaria:
