Bonjour fuckers,
Firstly, I hope you're all well, vital, hard as a rock, kicking the proverbial blueses away. Secoundly but not leastly, Romany, the one, the only, both thinking mans & generally dudes who dig hot chicks sex symbol is bringing out another set. Let us pause and thank God.Great thanks Romany, we love you and look forward to your set! Let us all heap love on her, *shakes fist* heap love dammit!
OK since you didnt ask for the tedious minutiae that is my hopeless existence, make this a two parter, I'll be here all week.
Anyfuckingwho, rant mode on
You keep reading soppy memes about how being true to yourself and others is the apex of humanity. You know the memes Im taking about, sunsets over mountains, lakes reflecting gold with the waning of the days sun. Theres some soppy dickshitting blurb written in Zaph Chancery. Yeah, truth is as welcome as a lousy case of crabs on your daddy bags. This is my story it starts now
Im a creature of habit, I go to the same hairdresser every time. I dont like barbers, I dont like men touching me. Its not that Im homophobic or think touching my follicles will lead to some fucking blue notes. I like women touching me, so sue me
Anywho the last time I went to this place I got my hair cut by a large woman. Thats me being generous, Im no small man, but I reckon youd be hard pressed making her mittens out of my hoodie. Now Im a modern man, I know better than to judge the work performance of a person based on weight and appearance. But yeah cutting hair shouldnt make you break out in a sweat. It was the first time I came out looking worse than when I came in. I had to get a friend to clean the job up, even the sides and cut the fringe straight.
So heres where Im going with this story. I rings up the parlour. Im asking for an appointment, I says, Hey nothing personal but last time I came round this really heavy girl cut my hair and totally fucked it up, I dont know what her name is but I dont want her to cut my hair. Silence... then That was me, fuck you get your hair cut somewhere elsehangs up.
Great, you know what? I dont dance around that shit, if youre as big as a house and I have to describe you Im not going to say, oh the lady with the short blond hair and green eyes. Theres five ladies that work there and one skinny dude. Yes youre the fat one, did you not notice when you got up that morning? Im fat, youre fat were all fucking fat. If I was in the same situation and someone said Yeah hes the fat dude with glasses Id accept it. I know what it takes to be fat. It involves a whole lot of injudicious eating, possibly boozing and no excersize. It takes a sustained regime of overeating and no moment. Get over it, youre fat. People bang on about medical reasons for being fat but by and large those problems are caused by obesity. Anyway shit happens
Anybody watch Scooby Doo? How much even as a kid did you want Daphne & Velma to get freaky, sweaty, blue, Vampiros Lesbos on each other
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So this is why people get sick. I'm fighting off a cold, I'm at the super getting bread with the tongs, the glass door is wide open and I'm holding a roll with tongs trying to put it in the bag and I have a massive sneeze all over the bread. The roll drops from my tongs as part of the reflex to sneezing. It thwacks on the floor and continues to roll on in an awkward arc. I'm like 'damn, hope no one saw that' I turn around, yep, there's two shop clerks looking at me mouthing silent cusses.
I found this great album cover
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Anywho, its getting cooler here down South, winter, shes a coming. Apparently Melbourne had another record of summer high temps. Think Grobal warming is shit? You must be a politician or a corporate lawyer! Hey were all going to cook in our own juices. I know I was! Damn my sack has never been so hot. Do I want kids? Not anymore, not after a summer of my pint size swimmers simmering in my man bags, shit it was like fucking pot noodles in my nethers. Thanks greenhouse gasses! But lets reflect, by wanting a sustained long termed solution to global warming, arent we being selfish? By thinking about our planet and the millions of animals who have the same right to exist as us, arent we being shortsighted? If we stop corporations from using our planet like a trashcan to illicit short term market gains, its the shareholders who suffer. People who unlike you and me are richer and better than us, dont they deserve a 15% annual return on their investment? Lets all pause and think about these people. Wont somebody think about the heartless corporations and their shareholders?!
In other news my neighbour's been listening to too much REM, I think he's loosing his religion, I found this on rubbish day, fictitious praying image of Jesus must be turning in his, um, whatever..
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Speaking of which, fereakyy!
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sorry I meant...
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Nope, this is it...
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On the subject, let's remember Michael, he touched so many children......with his music. The other parts he touched is merely conjecture and was never proven in a court of law. Anywho, What better way to remember him than by a wierd plastic puppet, how apt I hear you say...
That's him on the right
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and a close up, wait, no, that's not him at all!
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There he is!
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I'm sure that doll was used in court, 'Your honour, if it please the court let the plaintiff
show where the defendent forced him to place his hands...'
Think zombies don't have standards?
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Anyways thanks, next time I'm posting vids. Take care mwah mwahs 'n all.
Finally I hate your kids, they are noisy and annoying, if they aren't adorable I will dress up as terrifying seasonal characters and inflict lasting emotional trauma on them. You're welcome.
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Firstly, I hope you're all well, vital, hard as a rock, kicking the proverbial blueses away. Secoundly but not leastly, Romany, the one, the only, both thinking mans & generally dudes who dig hot chicks sex symbol is bringing out another set. Let us pause and thank God.Great thanks Romany, we love you and look forward to your set! Let us all heap love on her, *shakes fist* heap love dammit!
OK since you didnt ask for the tedious minutiae that is my hopeless existence, make this a two parter, I'll be here all week.
Anyfuckingwho, rant mode on
You keep reading soppy memes about how being true to yourself and others is the apex of humanity. You know the memes Im taking about, sunsets over mountains, lakes reflecting gold with the waning of the days sun. Theres some soppy dickshitting blurb written in Zaph Chancery. Yeah, truth is as welcome as a lousy case of crabs on your daddy bags. This is my story it starts now
Im a creature of habit, I go to the same hairdresser every time. I dont like barbers, I dont like men touching me. Its not that Im homophobic or think touching my follicles will lead to some fucking blue notes. I like women touching me, so sue me
Anywho the last time I went to this place I got my hair cut by a large woman. Thats me being generous, Im no small man, but I reckon youd be hard pressed making her mittens out of my hoodie. Now Im a modern man, I know better than to judge the work performance of a person based on weight and appearance. But yeah cutting hair shouldnt make you break out in a sweat. It was the first time I came out looking worse than when I came in. I had to get a friend to clean the job up, even the sides and cut the fringe straight.
So heres where Im going with this story. I rings up the parlour. Im asking for an appointment, I says, Hey nothing personal but last time I came round this really heavy girl cut my hair and totally fucked it up, I dont know what her name is but I dont want her to cut my hair. Silence... then That was me, fuck you get your hair cut somewhere elsehangs up.
Great, you know what? I dont dance around that shit, if youre as big as a house and I have to describe you Im not going to say, oh the lady with the short blond hair and green eyes. Theres five ladies that work there and one skinny dude. Yes youre the fat one, did you not notice when you got up that morning? Im fat, youre fat were all fucking fat. If I was in the same situation and someone said Yeah hes the fat dude with glasses Id accept it. I know what it takes to be fat. It involves a whole lot of injudicious eating, possibly boozing and no excersize. It takes a sustained regime of overeating and no moment. Get over it, youre fat. People bang on about medical reasons for being fat but by and large those problems are caused by obesity. Anyway shit happens
Anybody watch Scooby Doo? How much even as a kid did you want Daphne & Velma to get freaky, sweaty, blue, Vampiros Lesbos on each other

So this is why people get sick. I'm fighting off a cold, I'm at the super getting bread with the tongs, the glass door is wide open and I'm holding a roll with tongs trying to put it in the bag and I have a massive sneeze all over the bread. The roll drops from my tongs as part of the reflex to sneezing. It thwacks on the floor and continues to roll on in an awkward arc. I'm like 'damn, hope no one saw that' I turn around, yep, there's two shop clerks looking at me mouthing silent cusses.
I found this great album cover

Anywho, its getting cooler here down South, winter, shes a coming. Apparently Melbourne had another record of summer high temps. Think Grobal warming is shit? You must be a politician or a corporate lawyer! Hey were all going to cook in our own juices. I know I was! Damn my sack has never been so hot. Do I want kids? Not anymore, not after a summer of my pint size swimmers simmering in my man bags, shit it was like fucking pot noodles in my nethers. Thanks greenhouse gasses! But lets reflect, by wanting a sustained long termed solution to global warming, arent we being selfish? By thinking about our planet and the millions of animals who have the same right to exist as us, arent we being shortsighted? If we stop corporations from using our planet like a trashcan to illicit short term market gains, its the shareholders who suffer. People who unlike you and me are richer and better than us, dont they deserve a 15% annual return on their investment? Lets all pause and think about these people. Wont somebody think about the heartless corporations and their shareholders?!
In other news my neighbour's been listening to too much REM, I think he's loosing his religion, I found this on rubbish day, fictitious praying image of Jesus must be turning in his, um, whatever..

Speaking of which, fereakyy!
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sorry I meant...
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Nope, this is it...
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On the subject, let's remember Michael, he touched so many children......with his music. The other parts he touched is merely conjecture and was never proven in a court of law. Anywho, What better way to remember him than by a wierd plastic puppet, how apt I hear you say...
That's him on the right

and a close up, wait, no, that's not him at all!

There he is!

I'm sure that doll was used in court, 'Your honour, if it please the court let the plaintiff
show where the defendent forced him to place his hands...'
Think zombies don't have standards?

Anyways thanks, next time I'm posting vids. Take care mwah mwahs 'n all.
Finally I hate your kids, they are noisy and annoying, if they aren't adorable I will dress up as terrifying seasonal characters and inflict lasting emotional trauma on them. You're welcome.

VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
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platypuz:
Woh,now thats a rant and a half,i reckon i will have read it a few times to fully grasp it's enormity (my mind is not quite fried after night shift) But i do have to mention i have had a thing for Velma Dinkley for quite some time,so thank you for that .
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wolfwood1203:
The one I had been reading for tomorrow is Secret History, or The Horrors of St. Domingo. It was boring as hell. But I switched to reading the one for Thursday, a detective fiction book called Pictures of Perfection, it's pretty good.