Fine, fucking hello!
OK, I know I said I wasn't writing anymore blogs,this is because the lack of interest I get vexes me greatly, I think what's the fucking point!? A hi, yes I read your shit would be nice. I'm shaking my fist in your direction ass monkeys! I know my lack of delightfully plump mammary glands and female sexual organs precludes me from the usual avalanche of comments reserved for those blessed by natural selection. Yes I'm ugly, I may hurt your eyes with my countenence but hey I make an effort to write an interesting 500 goddam motherfucking words!
Fine it's Christmas this is like fertile rant territory for me. In fact I'm getting Mt fucking Vesuvious and you peeps are like Pliny the younger to my motherfucking crapoclastic flow of extremely hot air and abrasive gases. Hehe, I just made myself laugh..It was the gases. Yes I am crass and that makes me laugh. First of all Christmas.
Here's my unsolicited observations:
Santa Claus, this old fucker spies on children, yes he spies on them, an old man, looming into the lives of the young and vulnerable. What's worse a bratty kid or old man taking notes behind the backs the parents? I don't give a fuck, an old man getting peeping Tom with my kids, at the very least I'd get litigious. If I was an American I'd exercise (OK exercize) my rights and shoot that fucking perv if he stepped foot on my property. Fine if you're the Kardashians but the rest of us have PRIVATE lives.
Elves, the forgotten people, for centuries toiling away, the unpaid non unionised workforce of a self righteous fat bastard. How is that different from Indonesian kids sewing Nike footwear in Dickensian workshops? Who looks after the the little guy maimed in work place accidents?
LIES! Here's how I found out the truth behind Christmas. I was five years old. My folks are French and celebrate Christmas eve rather than Christmas day. I awake at five in the morning, run to the blessed tree of gifts and behold a scene of Yule Tide drought. No presents. I run into my parents room a vision of Catholic guilt laden apoplexy, "Santa has forsaken me, why didn't you tell me was I so naughty I'd get no gifts!" (Really this shouldn't have been a shock, being an innocent child my soul was already hell bound because I was born with sinful genitals that would later prove my downfall). My mum in a boozy stupor points to the wardrobe says "Don't wake your father he was really wasted last night, your presents are there, just keep it down..."
Black Pieter, or the Krampus, forget what I said earlier, I'd happily watch this man creature beat the fucking tar out of spoilt brats (OK they wouldn't be my kids) and carry them away to ungodly correctional facilities in the North Pole (The Urals, Siberia?) or at best fill their stockings with coal. I'm sure it would warm the cockles of everyone's heart to see a small spoilt little fucker not unlike Cartman cry genuine tears on Christmas. I'm sure those tears would be delicious.
Science, OK science, it's December, you can take a well deserved break. You've been selling the big bang theory all year which states that something came out of nothing. Now I'm no physicist but really, something came out of nothing? OK, when you find out what the nothing is can you get back to me? Your maths is flawed and it takes the same amount of faith for me to believe that the big bang came from nothing than it does for me to believe a morbidly obese peeping Tom with questionable work practices delivers presents worldwide in one night. Oh what's that science? You have dodgy maths that kind of proves the theory? Well science, if it takes a leap of faith to believe a theory, how is it different than the leap of faith required to believe in Santa. PS inifinity is a school yard concept, real maths results in a tidy answer.
OK that's all I got, God bless you, (at this point substitute 'God' with a higher being or celebrity of your choosing, remember, there are no wrong answers, hehe well there might be, who knows? That aside my best wishes for a great (insert religious affiliation here) festive season.
Yep that's all I got, you really should've stopped reading a paragraph ago. OK stop NOW!
You still here? WTF? Get the hell off my blog!
OK, I know I said I wasn't writing anymore blogs,this is because the lack of interest I get vexes me greatly, I think what's the fucking point!? A hi, yes I read your shit would be nice. I'm shaking my fist in your direction ass monkeys! I know my lack of delightfully plump mammary glands and female sexual organs precludes me from the usual avalanche of comments reserved for those blessed by natural selection. Yes I'm ugly, I may hurt your eyes with my countenence but hey I make an effort to write an interesting 500 goddam motherfucking words!
Fine it's Christmas this is like fertile rant territory for me. In fact I'm getting Mt fucking Vesuvious and you peeps are like Pliny the younger to my motherfucking crapoclastic flow of extremely hot air and abrasive gases. Hehe, I just made myself laugh..It was the gases. Yes I am crass and that makes me laugh. First of all Christmas.
Here's my unsolicited observations:
Santa Claus, this old fucker spies on children, yes he spies on them, an old man, looming into the lives of the young and vulnerable. What's worse a bratty kid or old man taking notes behind the backs the parents? I don't give a fuck, an old man getting peeping Tom with my kids, at the very least I'd get litigious. If I was an American I'd exercise (OK exercize) my rights and shoot that fucking perv if he stepped foot on my property. Fine if you're the Kardashians but the rest of us have PRIVATE lives.
Elves, the forgotten people, for centuries toiling away, the unpaid non unionised workforce of a self righteous fat bastard. How is that different from Indonesian kids sewing Nike footwear in Dickensian workshops? Who looks after the the little guy maimed in work place accidents?
LIES! Here's how I found out the truth behind Christmas. I was five years old. My folks are French and celebrate Christmas eve rather than Christmas day. I awake at five in the morning, run to the blessed tree of gifts and behold a scene of Yule Tide drought. No presents. I run into my parents room a vision of Catholic guilt laden apoplexy, "Santa has forsaken me, why didn't you tell me was I so naughty I'd get no gifts!" (Really this shouldn't have been a shock, being an innocent child my soul was already hell bound because I was born with sinful genitals that would later prove my downfall). My mum in a boozy stupor points to the wardrobe says "Don't wake your father he was really wasted last night, your presents are there, just keep it down..."
Black Pieter, or the Krampus, forget what I said earlier, I'd happily watch this man creature beat the fucking tar out of spoilt brats (OK they wouldn't be my kids) and carry them away to ungodly correctional facilities in the North Pole (The Urals, Siberia?) or at best fill their stockings with coal. I'm sure it would warm the cockles of everyone's heart to see a small spoilt little fucker not unlike Cartman cry genuine tears on Christmas. I'm sure those tears would be delicious.
Science, OK science, it's December, you can take a well deserved break. You've been selling the big bang theory all year which states that something came out of nothing. Now I'm no physicist but really, something came out of nothing? OK, when you find out what the nothing is can you get back to me? Your maths is flawed and it takes the same amount of faith for me to believe that the big bang came from nothing than it does for me to believe a morbidly obese peeping Tom with questionable work practices delivers presents worldwide in one night. Oh what's that science? You have dodgy maths that kind of proves the theory? Well science, if it takes a leap of faith to believe a theory, how is it different than the leap of faith required to believe in Santa. PS inifinity is a school yard concept, real maths results in a tidy answer.
OK that's all I got, God bless you, (at this point substitute 'God' with a higher being or celebrity of your choosing, remember, there are no wrong answers, hehe well there might be, who knows? That aside my best wishes for a great (insert religious affiliation here) festive season.
Yep that's all I got, you really should've stopped reading a paragraph ago. OK stop NOW!
You still here? WTF? Get the hell off my blog!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
cherrytrash:
I find this to be kinda amusing...your comments on the elves is what reminded me to look it up for you -
platypuz:
I thought you would appreciate that .