Bonjour Fuckers! In todays' craptastic episode I shit all over Prometheus, not the Greek titan who gave us fire and made us out of clay but the special effects laden mentally challenged movie.
Prometheus, where the mother fucking fuck do I start? I know it's just a movie & yes it's been out for a while so yes, as usual I'm slow on the uptake but what a fucking load of crap! I mean I know I'm being persnickerty here but here are my reasons:
1) We live in world where you get treated like a child molesting, Hilter loving misogynist for simply having a ciggie outside on the foot path. (that's a cigarette & sidewalk for my mates in the US). With rampant work place occupational health and safety on loose in 2012 how does the captain on board a closed circulation space vessel get away with smoking!? Nuts to that, bullshit even! Believability factor down 5% just there.
2) They hit the planet and with just a cursory air examination decide that since there's oxygen that it's o.k to take their helmets off. Lets refer back to point one occupational health and safety. You're on an alien planet just cause the air is breathable doesn't mean it's safe. I'm sure viruses and deadly bacteria are still rampant in 2094. Believability factor down another 5%
3) Conducting an alien autopsy without a fully kitted clean suit in a clean room. Retarded. Believability factor down 15%
4) The chief biologist trying to hug an unknown and potentially, well not potentially, predictably hostile creature with an agenda to consume said biologist with extreme predjudice. Like a large common landmark (here's an opportunity for you to localise this comment with a large landmark of your own) you could see this coming a fucking mile away. I can't imagine super biologist Charles Darwin trying to hug an iguana, snake or any other dodgy and terrifying looking organism for that matter. Believabilty factor down another 15%
5) Holy crap another alien movie where the synthetic human get's it's head ripped off. What a twist!
6) The corporation responisble for the Prometheus expedition spent a trillion dollars building and planning. Did they just suddenly get cheap and hire whichever dunce would work on the lowest wage regardless of their potential contribution? Did they just want to fail by hiring a surly geologist,a dimwitted biologist, inept security and scientists with no knowledge of biological hazzard protocols in existence for more than 100 years?
7) Prometheus, was a titan in the Greek pantheon of gods, he made people out of clay and stole fire to help us humes get a leg up. For his part in the great fire heist of antiquity he was sentenced to a desolate rock in the ocean where his liver got pecked out every day by an eagle and grew back just in time to get pecked out some more. This is a much better story than the fucking techo-assup bullshit served to masses by Ridley Scott. Ridley just get your shit together, yes I like to be entertained but I'd still like to use my mental facuties while I'm being entertained.
Anywho, thanks to the five people who read my shit. You still choose to visit me despite my lack of large enticing breasts, sweet ass and female genatalia.
Prometheus, where the mother fucking fuck do I start? I know it's just a movie & yes it's been out for a while so yes, as usual I'm slow on the uptake but what a fucking load of crap! I mean I know I'm being persnickerty here but here are my reasons:
1) We live in world where you get treated like a child molesting, Hilter loving misogynist for simply having a ciggie outside on the foot path. (that's a cigarette & sidewalk for my mates in the US). With rampant work place occupational health and safety on loose in 2012 how does the captain on board a closed circulation space vessel get away with smoking!? Nuts to that, bullshit even! Believability factor down 5% just there.
2) They hit the planet and with just a cursory air examination decide that since there's oxygen that it's o.k to take their helmets off. Lets refer back to point one occupational health and safety. You're on an alien planet just cause the air is breathable doesn't mean it's safe. I'm sure viruses and deadly bacteria are still rampant in 2094. Believability factor down another 5%
3) Conducting an alien autopsy without a fully kitted clean suit in a clean room. Retarded. Believability factor down 15%
4) The chief biologist trying to hug an unknown and potentially, well not potentially, predictably hostile creature with an agenda to consume said biologist with extreme predjudice. Like a large common landmark (here's an opportunity for you to localise this comment with a large landmark of your own) you could see this coming a fucking mile away. I can't imagine super biologist Charles Darwin trying to hug an iguana, snake or any other dodgy and terrifying looking organism for that matter. Believabilty factor down another 15%
5) Holy crap another alien movie where the synthetic human get's it's head ripped off. What a twist!
6) The corporation responisble for the Prometheus expedition spent a trillion dollars building and planning. Did they just suddenly get cheap and hire whichever dunce would work on the lowest wage regardless of their potential contribution? Did they just want to fail by hiring a surly geologist,a dimwitted biologist, inept security and scientists with no knowledge of biological hazzard protocols in existence for more than 100 years?
7) Prometheus, was a titan in the Greek pantheon of gods, he made people out of clay and stole fire to help us humes get a leg up. For his part in the great fire heist of antiquity he was sentenced to a desolate rock in the ocean where his liver got pecked out every day by an eagle and grew back just in time to get pecked out some more. This is a much better story than the fucking techo-assup bullshit served to masses by Ridley Scott. Ridley just get your shit together, yes I like to be entertained but I'd still like to use my mental facuties while I'm being entertained.
Anywho, thanks to the five people who read my shit. You still choose to visit me despite my lack of large enticing breasts, sweet ass and female genatalia.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
cherrytrash:
I approve this blog. Couldn't agree more!
wolfwood1203:
Well, if you still want a sample, I posted a zombie poem I wrote a while ago. It's in the Oct. 31st blog if you don't get to it before I post something else.