derby

the song that i wont stop listening to

I had a long talk with someone that use to mean so much in my life i forgot howmuch their insight helps me with my life problems

This guy david
first love, met in highschool, i did so much as to move away to colorado to be with him. thought id marry him
i was wrong


he is still a dear friend, but we just internet talk, well i was so depressed yesterday morning when i wrote that blog, i drove to work almost in tears (my drive to work is almost 2 hours long) i call davids mom(she cheers me up), and to end up hearing a suprisingly familiar voice, i havnt heard davids voice over a year.
'
so we talk about everything, my current situation, past pressant and future. He helped me realize alot of things, that yes i am in a shitty situation, i always end up in shitty situations. i told him i didnt really remember when i was really happy. he reminded me of what truely makes me happy

exploring

adventures
excitment

ive been without those thing for a while, we talked he helped me through alot, played a song on guitar and sang

reminded me of why i loved him so much so long ago
because he helps me relize what i need to do, reminds me i can be a better me. He saved me from what could have been a mistake running through my mind

so ive decided when my lease runs up in october im moving.
3 places in mind

1. boise idaho
2. san fran cali
3. portland oregon


i think i saw a sign from god (using the term loosly)

i saw a blillboard driving home from work
is said
"good luck in portland oregon"



ocotober i may be moving to oregon.

i need adventure and excitement. I need a life again, not a circle or routine

i smiled for the first time yesterday, in almost 2 1/2 weeks. i laughed and had tears of joy


that phone call was one of the best of my life