demonwithinme

Well I've been off of work the past few days ad have had some time to think, which in my case is not always a good thing. Awhile back I was having a shitty day at work, actually everybody was having a bad day and unfortunately I was low man on totem pole. To add to my extreme foul mood a couple of the guys I was working with weren't pulliing their weight so I had to cover their asses. Well I was getting pissed off and the boss started chewing my ass for following his orders. Well he pushed me out of the way so I walked off to my cooler on the back of the truck to get me a drink and cool off. Well he said you don't have to fucking walk away from me boy. i decided to just grab my phone out of the truck and start walking cuz I didn't feel like going to jail for hitting the fucker. I ended up walking 10 mi. before someone stopped and picked and gave me a ride the other 20 mi to the shop so I could get my truck. The next day they called me back cuz I was too hard of a worker and the boss apologized. Was talking to my dad and he had told me that maybe I need to go out and drink on occasion and blow off some steam. I tried that and it just doesn't work. I need to be more physical to blow off steam, and inner rage. This actually comes back to the reason for my name. The reason I go by demon within me is because I am generally a really nice guy, and I don't get angry at things I should. I used to have a real problem controlling my anger when I was younger. At one point in time I was close to going jail at the age of 14. They weren't going to send me to juvie cuz I was too big at 6'2" 280. So I learned how to control my anger a little too well. Now I control it to the point of when the last straw is broken every thing that should have been dealt with previously comes out at once. I have seen what I do when the demon comes out and the scary part is that when it happens I enjoy it, but I always get sick afterwards cuz I never have really gotten used to the fact of sending people to the hospital. So I try my best to be non-confrontational unless my friends or family are at risk. Anyways back to the point of this blog. I have done some thinking and when I was in a relationship and getting laid everynight I didn't have any anger problems likewise the same goes for when I was in sports. Football was the best because I could legally completely release all my pent up anger and rage in every play. I was awesome. I hit one so hard it ripped his chin strap and left a nice little cut across his throat. Nothing life threatening, but enough to take him out of the game. Now I have no time to get a gym membership to work out cuz I usually put in between 70 and 90 hours a week. I guess my biggest problem is finding someone that I can date and spend time with when I'm not at work and I can fuck when I need to release stress so I'm not out finding people to get into fights with just so I can release my anger.