A dream...last night.
*It was twilight. The streets shone orange from the lamplights that ran like a typical perception painting a novice artist might draw. I sat in my wheelchair, head hung as my mom pushed me along the sidewalk. I lifted my head a moment and noticed her standing there. I can't say her real name...we'll say it's Angel. At first I was surprised...I hadn't seen her in so long. It was good to see her face again. It would be a travesty to think I could ever forget that face. Those eyes. She smiled at me, as she always did. Back in those days she would give me that same smile in the hallway. I had never known her, personally. We first met in a class, our eyes would meet and she'd smile - a kind, sincere smile that could only come from a heart that never knew the evils of the world. In those days I would try to force a smile back. I wanted to show her that I cared but I didn't want to show her who I really was. I didn't want her to know how unworthy I was. But now she was here, on this sidewalk, smiling at me. I smiled back, a true smile, and passed her, my mom continuing to push me ahead. As she slowly passed out of my peripheral vision I heard her voice again, the quiet, unassuming voice I'd heard before.
"Hello", she had said.
Suddenly my hands were on the wheels of the chair and it wasn't my mother than was controlling me anymore. I went another foot or two and quickly pivoted the chair to face her again, I had to say hello back to her. I hadn't wanted to say those first words. But I spun to quickly and soon I was falling, out of the chair on onto my back. I could sense my mom further up on the sidewalk turning to make sure I was okay, and I worked myself up onto my hands, sitting up, looking at Angel from the ground. She watched me from the corner, her expression lost to me in the simple beauty of her face. I felt ashamed. I didn't want to be like this, helpless on the ground before her. I felt pitiful knowing my legs didn't work, unable to help myself. But I had sat up on my own, and I knew I just had to stand, atleast to regain some level of face. My knee bent inwards towards me - something I had been able to do with a lot of work in therapy, but soon I was grabbing at the fence beside the sidewalk and pulling. My legs strengthened beneath me and I stood, on my own two feet. I kept my eyes on her and she was smiling again. I had stood, and soon I was walking again - walking to her. I had to be near her. And soon I was, and I was smiling. A true, sincere smile...*
Sometimes you forget about people, in your mind. I knew I could never forget Angel, not in my heart. But with all that's been happening lately, my paralysis, rehab, everything - She had slipped from my mind for a time. Sometimes it takes dreams like these to remember someone. The day I had first seen Angel in class, I felt like I had known about her all along in my dreams. Her soft, chesnut curls - her hair always seemed in a disaray. She wore old clothing: muted, earthy tones that always seemed to compliment how down-to-earth she seemed. But inside there was always something much deeper. Her eyes sparkled like gems no human was mean to find. My one friend: she knows Angel personally, had said "She is the embodiment of perfection that any human could have". I realized this was true. Never have I met a more sincere, kind person. She walked the halls with a fey presence. Short, thin. Skin like bright white clouds. In my daydreams I can feel her hand in mine, small, soft, warm between mine...and yet I felt that was the most of her I could ever be allowed to touch. If only to hold her hand in mine for a minute. If only I could feel those gentle curls through my fingers...the color of spring earth with dawn's fiery light casted onto it.
Yes, sometimes it takes these dreams to remember someone you never really forgot. Sometimes it takes these dreams to realize how alone you are when you can't just see them day to day.
*It was twilight. The streets shone orange from the lamplights that ran like a typical perception painting a novice artist might draw. I sat in my wheelchair, head hung as my mom pushed me along the sidewalk. I lifted my head a moment and noticed her standing there. I can't say her real name...we'll say it's Angel. At first I was surprised...I hadn't seen her in so long. It was good to see her face again. It would be a travesty to think I could ever forget that face. Those eyes. She smiled at me, as she always did. Back in those days she would give me that same smile in the hallway. I had never known her, personally. We first met in a class, our eyes would meet and she'd smile - a kind, sincere smile that could only come from a heart that never knew the evils of the world. In those days I would try to force a smile back. I wanted to show her that I cared but I didn't want to show her who I really was. I didn't want her to know how unworthy I was. But now she was here, on this sidewalk, smiling at me. I smiled back, a true smile, and passed her, my mom continuing to push me ahead. As she slowly passed out of my peripheral vision I heard her voice again, the quiet, unassuming voice I'd heard before.
"Hello", she had said.
Suddenly my hands were on the wheels of the chair and it wasn't my mother than was controlling me anymore. I went another foot or two and quickly pivoted the chair to face her again, I had to say hello back to her. I hadn't wanted to say those first words. But I spun to quickly and soon I was falling, out of the chair on onto my back. I could sense my mom further up on the sidewalk turning to make sure I was okay, and I worked myself up onto my hands, sitting up, looking at Angel from the ground. She watched me from the corner, her expression lost to me in the simple beauty of her face. I felt ashamed. I didn't want to be like this, helpless on the ground before her. I felt pitiful knowing my legs didn't work, unable to help myself. But I had sat up on my own, and I knew I just had to stand, atleast to regain some level of face. My knee bent inwards towards me - something I had been able to do with a lot of work in therapy, but soon I was grabbing at the fence beside the sidewalk and pulling. My legs strengthened beneath me and I stood, on my own two feet. I kept my eyes on her and she was smiling again. I had stood, and soon I was walking again - walking to her. I had to be near her. And soon I was, and I was smiling. A true, sincere smile...*
Sometimes you forget about people, in your mind. I knew I could never forget Angel, not in my heart. But with all that's been happening lately, my paralysis, rehab, everything - She had slipped from my mind for a time. Sometimes it takes dreams like these to remember someone. The day I had first seen Angel in class, I felt like I had known about her all along in my dreams. Her soft, chesnut curls - her hair always seemed in a disaray. She wore old clothing: muted, earthy tones that always seemed to compliment how down-to-earth she seemed. But inside there was always something much deeper. Her eyes sparkled like gems no human was mean to find. My one friend: she knows Angel personally, had said "She is the embodiment of perfection that any human could have". I realized this was true. Never have I met a more sincere, kind person. She walked the halls with a fey presence. Short, thin. Skin like bright white clouds. In my daydreams I can feel her hand in mine, small, soft, warm between mine...and yet I felt that was the most of her I could ever be allowed to touch. If only to hold her hand in mine for a minute. If only I could feel those gentle curls through my fingers...the color of spring earth with dawn's fiery light casted onto it.
Yes, sometimes it takes these dreams to remember someone you never really forgot. Sometimes it takes these dreams to realize how alone you are when you can't just see them day to day.
http://www.sciencefriday.com/pages/2002/Dec/hour1_121302.html