demonesskage

Maybe this was a weird request, I don't know, Ryan has been sleeping elsewhere for a week now. He's going to be moving all his stuff today. I asked him if he would sleep just one more night at the apartment with me. Never expected sex, and I didn't ask for it. It wasn't what I wanted. All I wanted was for him to sleep next to me one more time.

And he did, he granted my request. He let me snuggle him a little bit this morning before he left. There was one of two ways it could have gone. I could have broken down and begged him to come back again, but I didn't, and when I woke up this morning, I was genuinely happy he was there, even though I knew it was the last time.

But here's the puzzling thing- Maybe I heard him wrong. He came to give me a hug of his own free will, and I swear I heard I heard him say "Love you" when he did. I didn't ask, lest he take it back, but I really think that might be what he said. Or I am hallucinating and it was what I wanted to hear. But I don't think I was. I think he really told me, after all these weeks that he loved me.

But if that is the case, what do I do now? I think the right answer to that is simply "Nothing" I do nothing at all, and let him do what he wants, and what he needs to do to find himself again. If he slipped and meant it, then I don't need to do anything. Things will work themselves out on their own. I doubt it was merely habit- those words haven't come out of his mouth in over a month. Of course I still love him too. I will never stop loving him, the way I never stopped loving the other men I have loved.

But by god Ryan, if you still love me, that's all I need to know, and I'll wait as long I need to.