demonesskage

Look at us through the lens of a camera
Does it remove all of your pain
If we run, they'll look in the back room
Where we hide all of our feelings

The Editors - Camera

I'm feeling a million different things, and couple of those things is restless, helpless, and trapped. No one jump to any conclusions- those feelings have nothing to do with him. In reality, I know I am none of those things, least of all helpless. I am only helpless if I give up.

There is a strange divide in my life- I no longer have any family to speak of. I have very few people I can depend on- I can count that number on one hand. Most of those people I have met only in the last year. I often fear that I depend on other people far too much, and not enough on myself. I wonder sometimes if this because I don't beleive that I am dependable. Continuing the description of the divide- I am emotionaly more content that I had ever even hoped was possible. Financially, let's face it- my head's not even above water anymore. And while I could blame this on my parents, and to an extent some of my current helpless situation is their fault. If I look deeper though, there's no one at fault besides myself. But as hopeless as I often feel, as often as I sometimes just want to give up, I wouldn't trade what I have right now for anything in the world. Giving up would involve causing him pain and. I can not do that.

This message brought to you by Sudaphed, Claritin, Widmer Brewing Company, headcolds, and long lonely days off. You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.