demonesskage

I drove out to talk to Aegies tonight with the hope that there was some kind of solution that we could find. The first thing he did was take my wrist between his fingers, and look at me with concern and ask "Have you been eating?"

No, I suppose I haven't. I forget, more often then not these days, or when I do eat it's such a small amount as to almost be negligable.

The longer we sat there and talked the deeper the chasm in my chest yawned. There is nothing that can be done when one is not even willing to try.

I can understand why, though. It was explained to me. The more it was explained to me in a that patient, logical voice the more obvious it became that it is mostly my fault. I swallowed all my pride just to go over there- I begged actually. Those of you who know me well, know that I never beg. Please, no one think badly of him. He did the best he could with what he had.

So, if I go to prom at all, I will most likely be going by myself. He doesn't want to see me anymore. He wants to talk from time to time, but he doesn't want to see me.

I've been listening to the same song over and over.

I don't believe in the existence of mercy's guiding hand...
Not with all that I have witnessed, I cannot understand.
Forever burdened with the knowledge that I could have been so much more
When the truth is hard to suffer, I knew this all before.

There is no comfort in faith, the heavens still will fall.
A thousand towers rise before me and I cannot climb them all.
There is no kind of joy in this, there is no time that it can heal,
When emptiness enshadows bliss, there is nothing left to feel.

I have not abandoned hope, though I know there's nothing more.
Tired and alone, you forget what you hoped for.

I will walk this ground forever
and stand guard against your name.
I will give all I can offer,
I will shoulder all the blame.
I am sentry to you now,
all your hopes and all your dreams.
I will hold you to the light,
that's what forever means.

I was never what you wanted, I could never never please.
I swallowed all our sorrow in the midst of my disease.
All my fortunes, all my gains, all the battles I have won...
Now collapsing like the rain, I stand alone, your only son...

Take some solace in these words, take notice of this place.
Hollow whispers that they are, like the wind upon my face.
Sing softly in my ear and look at me with wonder.
I will try to ease your fear as the darkness pulls you under.

I will walk this ground forever
and stand guard against your name.
I will give all I can offer,
I will shoulder all the blame.
I am sentry to you now,
all your hopes and all your dreams.
I will hold you to the light,
that's what forever means.

Bruderschaft - Forever

And now, to sleep. If I can.