delstrange

It's very difficult when you still think of someone as irreplaceable and meanwhile you've already been replaced. How can things have gotten so one sided in such little time? Doesn't make things any easier when she's always saying how much she still loves me, how much she needs me in her life...just not the way we have been. Not now anyway. I know how different things are now than they were a year ago. And how different they may be a year from now. Only time will tell.

It's also a little weird trying to move on in even a very basic sense, to make new friends. Fact is, while we were dating, I didn't keep many female friends, out of respect for her. And because she was always a little jealous or concerned about me being friends with someone of the opposite sex. Which is funny considering that I never had a problem with her having guy friends and look how that turned out. Now I have the opportunity to have as many female friends as I like. Have even started making a few, conversations with whom have made the nights a lot easier to get through. But it's very strange to be talking to someone who isn't her, you know? Almost as though I'm being unfaithful even though now that's hardly something I should be concerned with. And I wonder if having these friends will have any impact on my relationship with her. Whether it will make her jealous or angry, if she'll be happy that I've made friends so I won't be so lonely...or if she simply won't care either way.

Maybe I shouldn't care either way, what she thinks or whether she thinks about me at all. But I do still love her, especially as a friend. Even with everything that's happened, I'd hate to lose that friendship which is so precious to me.